Vampire Princess

Vampire Princess

A Poem by Twilight

She Dwells In A Tower,

With Her Face So Dour,

You Fear The Wrath,

Whilst She Holds Power

 

Over A Land,

Of Decadence,

With Endless Plague,

And Pestilence

 

Her Reign Won't Be Missed,

And Fear The Cold Kiss,

Of This Undead W***e,

Or Survive No More

 

On Her Throne,

She Sits Alone,

Trying To Control Her Lust,

Which A Vampire Cannot Trust

 

So In The Night,

When She Takes Flight,

A Fear It Stalks The Land,

In Death She Takes A Hand

 

Nobody Knows,

Where She Goes,

In Fear Of The Day,

When Mortals Hold Sway

 

As The Moon Shines,

The Princess Dines,

On A Feast Of Blood,

She Sakes Her Dark Lust

 

Your Skin Turns White,

At The Foul Sight,

One Must Fear The Crimson,

On Her Teeth It Glistens,

Shineth Like A Prism.

 

 

© 2009 Twilight


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I'm not fond of poetry, nor am I found of rhyme scheme either. But I did enjoy this poem. The strengths lie in the visuals and the word choice that was used to invoke the visuals, as well as the general wordage overall. This mainly hit me in the last stanza with the crimson blood glistening on the teeth.

The vampire princess has a presence in this poem. She's alone in her world and suffers from it. Yet, she has power and a great lust for blood which when she receives is ecstasy. At times you can see the struggle between the two. At what cost does one sacrifice for power?

Her Reign Won't Be Missed,
And Fear The Cold Kiss,
Of This Undead W***e,
Or Survive No More

This stanza throws me off though. Is it supposed to be describing if she were to perish or if she were to move on? It doesn't seem like she did perish otherwise why would the poem continue? This is the one area where I don't feel that the language is as effective and almost a bit clunky. Or I'm just not understanding it right. The first line works, but starting at "And Fear The Cold Kiss" and down doesn't make complete sense to me.

I'm also not sure about every word be capitalized. It throws it off a bit. When I think vampire, especially a woman vampire, and even more so for a princess vampire, I think elegance and grace. That doesn't come through with the capitalized words. It may be a stylized choice, but I think just leaving it normal works just as well.

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A dark vicious vampire taking what she wants. Not nice or caring toward her food supply. She's the proper vampire, the one's we flee and tremble in fear of at night.
I like this vampire tale.

Posted 10 Years Ago


All alone... how sad... This was good and you can see the basic character however I would have liked to see more emotions in this piece and the flow once again seemed a little off but thats usual and well I'm not one to talk about flow. I liked this and the wording was really good but it kind of seemed forced in a way. I'm not really sure, i do like it though. The feeling of it and the darkness. Like what my dear friend Angelic Darkness said, I feel you're holding back a little... Great Job though! It was a fun dark piece

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The images this poem brings to mind of a vampire princess are great. To me. the wording in the majority of lines fits well.

I don't like to repeat the comments from other reviewers, but I have to agree that use of capitals does nothing to improve the poem.

I do like poetry that has form, metre and rhyme. I feel it would have been more impressive if you could keep the same rhyme sequence for all stanzas. Instead, you have:
Stanza 1. rhyming lines A1, A1, B1, A1
Stanza 2. rhyming lines A2, B2, C2, B2
Stanza 4 and on. rhyming lines A4, A4, B4, B4 ... etc. Hope I'm not being to critical on that point. I did enjoy the poem, and thank you for the opportunity to review tour work.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

As The Moon Shines,
The Princess Dines,
On A Feast Of Blood,

I like these three lines. The imagery is very good.

Nice work! :)


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I do like the control that this vampire princess has;).
I skimmed the reviews below, and agree she should be
more graceful, sensual. Apart of me feels you hold back.

I do love the darkness here. You also have some very good lines
here:
Of This Undead W***e
On Her Teeth It Glistens,

Shineth Like A Prism.

For me, those lines stood out. AD

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You've sort of got a rhyme scheme going on half way through and it works really well after the little bumps of the opening stanza. Then it sort of tails off. I'd have stuck with it the whole way through.

But some nice visuals. The use of Archaic English is nice, but again, I would have used it the whole way through. I kind of got the feeling you were slightly holding back? Focusing more on the act of killing? Maybe make it more Romantic, but not in a love way. Romantic like Stoker.

Personally, I'm not bothered about the capitals. Didn't really take much notice of them, to be honest! I was too busy reading instead of just staring at it.

But yeh, liked it. Wicked stuff.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Not bad. But why go from seemingly standard English to more archaic English (i.e. the last line of the poem)? And for that matter, why capitalize every word? As for imagery, I thought I'd see a little more. Visuals died slowly after the fourth stanza.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm not fond of poetry, nor am I found of rhyme scheme either. But I did enjoy this poem. The strengths lie in the visuals and the word choice that was used to invoke the visuals, as well as the general wordage overall. This mainly hit me in the last stanza with the crimson blood glistening on the teeth.

The vampire princess has a presence in this poem. She's alone in her world and suffers from it. Yet, she has power and a great lust for blood which when she receives is ecstasy. At times you can see the struggle between the two. At what cost does one sacrifice for power?

Her Reign Won't Be Missed,
And Fear The Cold Kiss,
Of This Undead W***e,
Or Survive No More

This stanza throws me off though. Is it supposed to be describing if she were to perish or if she were to move on? It doesn't seem like she did perish otherwise why would the poem continue? This is the one area where I don't feel that the language is as effective and almost a bit clunky. Or I'm just not understanding it right. The first line works, but starting at "And Fear The Cold Kiss" and down doesn't make complete sense to me.

I'm also not sure about every word be capitalized. It throws it off a bit. When I think vampire, especially a woman vampire, and even more so for a princess vampire, I think elegance and grace. That doesn't come through with the capitalized words. It may be a stylized choice, but I think just leaving it normal works just as well.

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

"On Her Throne,
She Sits Alone,
Trying To Control Her Lust,
Which A Vampire Cannot Trust"

My favourite verse
A nice piece of work, I like the image of her as
all power, no control and alone .
Do the powerful really have friends ?

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

302 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 24, 2008
Last Updated on February 22, 2009

Author

Twilight
Twilight

Belper, Derbyshire, United Kingdom



About
My first name is Julian. I'm a white male, straight, English, christian, pro-life and 42 years old. Writing is just an interest to me. However, maybe I have the potential to achieve more? My favourite.. more..

Writing
Eden Now Eden Now

A Poem by Twilight



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..