What do you mean by labor? Do you mean as in the target's using his last strength in grasp for the final breath or what because connoted with labor is work, employment, industries and the word just doesn't sit right. That's just my opinion. And then even if that word is used as a way of using the last of the target's strength, it disconnects with the following lines. It went from labor to animal qualities, a tool of nature by using the word maw as a metaphor. The diction here is really weird, to me, in my opinion only.
I love the second stanza though. I hear dark and silence too much, but I love "your poor frame writhes (like that word; it's new to my vocabulary) against/a world of doom and pestilence" My favorite lines. And the last lines leave me at awe and make me feel in depth with the poem. But then I also wonder what "for those you leave behind/you hope for better times" is supposed to mean. Does this mean that the ones left behind witnessed the death or something like that. What do you mean by "better times"? For what, the death, the scene of death. If you're denying Satan's maw, which means the target is damned, so how can there be better times?
Hmmm...when I read this one, I imagine the speaker as the one snuffing out life. Perhaps from behind strangling a woman. Why a woman? It may be because she is usually physically weaker. It sounds a bit vengeful or embittered to me. Great write!
What do you mean by labor? Do you mean as in the target's using his last strength in grasp for the final breath or what because connoted with labor is work, employment, industries and the word just doesn't sit right. That's just my opinion. And then even if that word is used as a way of using the last of the target's strength, it disconnects with the following lines. It went from labor to animal qualities, a tool of nature by using the word maw as a metaphor. The diction here is really weird, to me, in my opinion only.
I love the second stanza though. I hear dark and silence too much, but I love "your poor frame writhes (like that word; it's new to my vocabulary) against/a world of doom and pestilence" My favorite lines. And the last lines leave me at awe and make me feel in depth with the poem. But then I also wonder what "for those you leave behind/you hope for better times" is supposed to mean. Does this mean that the ones left behind witnessed the death or something like that. What do you mean by "better times"? For what, the death, the scene of death. If you're denying Satan's maw, which means the target is damned, so how can there be better times?
I'm sure this is true. I think fear would be the strongest thought. Just the fear of the unknown, what would happen to your soul when your body died. That's what would bother me. Death is the ultimate of "losing control." Really loved this poem. Made me think about death, which I hate to do!
I really like this poem, it has a subtle under tone of darkness, and the layout accentuates the wording in form, to ponder the moment of death, this is gripping and pinpoint, keep up the great work.
I love the way you express in very few words about a person's thoughts and emotions around them before death. I feel this person's grief and happiness. But afraid of the door opening to either hell or heaven. That's how I would feel. I wouldn't want to lose people close to me. But you have hope for a better future in the new world. Excellent!
My first name is Julian. I'm a white male, straight, English, christian, pro-life and 42 years old. Writing is just an interest to me. However, maybe I have the potential to achieve more? My favourite.. more..