"Death by you"

Darkness can only be held back for so long before it devours one's inner being...

One last time,

Before I leave,

This world behind,

I stand here staring,

back at the photograph,

We made that night,

When we met,

The darkness has consumed it,

Along with the memory,

And now all i have,

Are the kisses you left me,

And now all i can do,

Is watch you wave goodbye,

I stand here again,

In that very spot,

My tears dripping like rain,

splattering on the floor,

That was my last goodbye,

I will ever say to anyone,

Until that day,

That i fall into the gun,

You've shot me once,

You've shot me twice,

but the third time killed me,

I have no hope,

No memory to hang onto,

For without you here,

I will be nothing,

I love you so much,

I wish you hadn't left,

but now that you're gone,

All i have done is wept,

The day is done,

And so is my life,

My death,

Is in your heart tonight...

 

Reviews

[Kitty]

Dark and powerful!!!! Heartache is never a fun thing, especially when you loved that person so much and you thought you'd never part. Great poem filled with such emotion!!!!!!

Nicely written!

Josie

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this is dark
a very good write, you can feel the pain throughout the whole piece
Also liked the quote you have above it (.Darkness can only be held back for so long before it devours one's inner being)..so true it is
Great job!

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

A dramatic, dark piece. That happens to be my favorite type of art, and indeed, I enjoyed it. I can see the man looking at the picture, with the gun in his hand, running the wasted years through his mind one last time.

The photograph added a very important element, staging for what was to come. In my opinion, this section:

"My inner being is shot,
My nerves are deteriorating,
My heart fell to pieces one last time,
And now all i can do,
Is watch you wave goodbye,"

Was a little too wordy, detracting from the flow of the rest of the poem. Perhaps removing this section altogether would add to the integrity of the piece.

Doing this would also make the lines "I stand here again in that very spot" more meaningful since it directly connects to the photograph.

"My tears dripping like rain,
splattering on the floor,"

Great simile in "like rain" and adjective, "splattering" was also very good.

"My death,
Is in your heart tonight" cements the dramatic tone and sadness of the message.

Thank you for sharing,
- Ben