Last Breath to Live

For David - Sept. 29, 2008

My first instinct
The day that you left
Was to find a bridge
And jump over the edge
But I know what it's like
Trying to end your own life
And knew my greatest purpose
Was to somehow survive
The pan is still deep
But not quite so sharp
And the blood still flows
Through my broken heart
The days still hurt
Still cut like broken glass
And my happiness is hindered
By the death of our past
I pray that you find
All that youseek
And I pray for the strength
To get through this week
There are still moments I ask
What good this life is for
But more moments when I know
That I can push through this door
Step through that portal
And face the great unknown
I can see how far I've come
And how far I've left to go
These last days have been a struggle
Hatred competing with love
And though I've made progress
I know my fight has just begun
I have yesterdays that aren't pretty
No sunshine, no flowers
Yesterdays that lacked beauty
Without joy, without power
But slowly I am learning
That life will go on without you
Every moment I'm wishing
This were a bad dream that was untrue
Hoping to wake up
To open my eyes
To reach across the bed
And find you by my side
Embracing the loneliness
Battling the despair
Life just isn't the same
Without you here
I know you had to go
I know you needed to walk away
You need to stand on your own
Find your own path to take
I do not know where
Your journey will end
And pray you remember
Where it began
Your words echo in my heart
They bring tears to my eyes
I hear the sound of your voice
Hear you call me Butterfly
There was something you saw
That I somehow couldn't
A beauty and grace you found
That my heart just wouldn't
Only your face in my dreams
There your memory haunts
I told myself to hate you
And yet I still don't
I cry out to my Maker
Beg for one minute's peace
Though I am able to smile
My heart is wracked by grief
You'll never see me shed a tear
You'll never know the pain I feel
I'll cover it all with a smile
Grace and strength, will to fight
Those are all you will see
For I am unable to unveil
This deeply-held misery
No guilt upon your heart
I'll keep your conscience clear
Nothing but the best of spirits
Will you ever find here
Our love has faced so much
And I'll fight to keep it alive
For when you stop feeling the fire
Is the moment you begin to die
I have far too much within my soul
So much love and promise to give
That to lose it now would be a crime
And I'd give my last breath to live

Reviews

[poetforlife]

This was truly and amazing piece. You captures so much pain and emotion and feeling. I wanted to keep reading more and more. You made me want to know exactly what you were experiencing and going through. You used such great phrases and words to describe a very deep, painful thing that you have gone through. I have gone through it, too recently and I hung on every word like they were pouring from my own soul. This is going into my favorites! Thanks for pouring the pain onto the page.