Sections 10-15 (end)

X

 

Katya stood on the sidewalk. The rain came down in sheets. She was dripping wet. Adare dashed out and yelled “puddles.” He jumped. Water splashed. He was soaked.

Katya forced a smile. Then she shivered.

I waved her inside. She hesitated. Adare grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house.

“Go upstairs and change into dry clothes.” It seemed a reasonable parental request, but it met with shrugged shoulders and a “really.” I smiled, “yes, really” and added “show Katya the spare bedroom.”  The room was never touched. The bed had been made for months, possibly a year. The robe laid across it, towels on the bench and a couple of books by the chair. It was waiting for company that never came.  I called after Katya “put on the robe and bring the clothes down to the dryer.” She was clearly nervous, but she was also shivering and cold.

“You’re lucky” Adare quipped “dad doesn’t let anyone go in there.” He pointed Katya to the spare room. I watched the rain form rivers in the streets. Occasional cars drove through making waves and spraying water high into the air. Katya arrived in the robe, clothes in hand. I showed her the laundry room and she placed them carefully into the dryer. “Should only take a few minutes, with such a light load’ and I turned the machine on. Adare appeared, freshly changed.

“Let’s make cookies” he announced.

“Lunch first.”

Adare grimaced at the retort. “Really.” And then announced “I’ll have a grilled cheese sandwich, and so will Katya.” She looked hesitant, but Adare rarely left room for negotiation. Then, as if it had never occurred to him before, he looked at Katya and quarried “why didn’t go you in your own house?”

Katya grimaced. Katya sighed. “My step-father has company.”

Adare looked a little confused. “My dad has company sometimes” he looked around, “we can play Star Wars, you be a Princess Leah….” And he darted into the living room.  Katya followed slowly as I put bread on the griddle for the requested sandwiches. Grilled cheese doesn’t take long to make to make and the Sandwiches were ready before Adare and Katya had found the imperial troops supposedly hiding on the second floor of the house. But Adare came running for lunch and Katya followed slowly behind. Bear followed, looked at me while sniffing the air. I gave him a treat, which he took back into the living where he sat on his red cushion. Katya’s eyes followed him, then suddenly she announced “I want a dog.”

Most people who got to know Bear decided that they wanted a big dog, a Great Pyrenees or Bernese Mountain. When you mixed them you got Bear. And Tank. And everyone loved Bear and Tank. Katya had finished her sandwich and went to the living room. She sat next to Bear and spoke to him in Ukrainian. Bear didn’t care. English. Ukrainian. The occasional Dutch when I was particularly upset. None of it matter to Bear. He knew his job was to protect his heard, to comfort his flock. That his heard had was made up of two-legged creatures who talked didn’t seem to bother him too much. So he put his enormous head on Katya’s lap. He wanted to be a lap dog, but he had resigned himself to the fact that his head was all that would fit in the average human lap. Katya scratched his ears. Adare came in and sat on Bear. Bear didn’t even lift his head.

 

XI

 

I logged on to the computer, wondering why I was really communicating with a woman 7,000 miles away and half my age. But she wasn’t there. I waited. She didn’t come. I got invitation after invitation. Half the women were already half naked. I clicked. I don’t really know why. But I clicked.

A girl appeared in the chat box. She smiled. She wrote “hi” and added a smiling face. I returned the smiling face.  Words appeared in the box below her: “would you like to see me?”

“I can see you” I wrote.

She typed a wink, “the rest of me” and another wink. I typed, “lol, of course” I wasn’t very good at text language, but she seemed to be. She stood up, slowly, revealing a white lacy bra, a bare stomach and a white thong which seemed a size or two too small for her. The fabric conformed to her intimate folds leaving almost nothing to the imagination. She turned around, and leaned a little tightening her smooth flesh. She turned around again, leaning forward to expose her cleavage more clearly, then returned to sitting.

“Do you like me?”

How was I supposed to know if I liked her?

“You are very pretty” I typed with a smiling at the end. She was. That was true.

“Mmmm, thanks” she typed. “What would you like to do to me?” Another wink appeared.  In the list of chat invites, another barely clad woman appeared and announced she had a special treat for me, and a woman appeared next to her, stroking her hair. If I had a reason for typing back “I’d start by kissing your neck and drawing the outline of your bra with my fingers” it was only to see how she would respond. And suddenly, as she typed “I like it” I thought of Katya’s mother.

I wondered. Had she been the barely clad temptress. Or had she been the sincere woman. Or had she been someone in between.

I typed “I’d trace the leg of your panties with my kisses” I don’t know why I said that. But I did. She sent a kiss followed by “mmmmm” and stood up. She ran her fingers along the edges of the fabric, and pulled her already tight thong a little tighter. She leaned over to type, her cleavage filling the screen. “You’re making her hungry” appeared on the screen. I thought to close the chat. But I didn’t, I typed “I’m hungry for her” and now she slipped her hand inside her panties.

The chat ended abruptly. Adare screamed. A nightmare. I typed, “sorry, I have to go” and closed the chat. I went to Adare’s room. He was sound asleep, screaming and flailing wildly. There was nothing I could do, but sit. So I sat. I waited in case his terror got him out of bed, then I would have to enter it. But as long as it left him the bed, physically safe, I left him to deal with the night demons. It would stop as suddenly as it started, or he would wake up in middle of it. The doctors and the books all said this didn’t happen. But Adare had done it, and that’s why I waited. If he woke up, he would still be scared.

Adare did not wake up. The screaming stopped and he was sleeping peacefully. I hesitated but I logged back in. I wanted to talk to the girl I liked. But she was still not there. I opened a letter from the temptress whose chat I had abruptly ended. It was simple. She hoped to see me again. She hoped I liked her. She promised to make any fantasy of mine a reality. I closed without writing back.

I needed to sleep.  

I was, after all, an only parent. If I needed anything, it was sleep.

Sleep is harder to get then it is to need.  The recycling truck passed the house. Bear barked at it out the kitchen window. I wondered why the girl I liked hadn’t been online tonight. I wondered why I was acting like a teenager who had been stood up for a real date. I wondered what Katya’s mother had been like online. I wondered if she was the sincere quiet girl or the temptress. I wondered if she had promised to fulfill every fantasy, or to offer caring support.

I wondered why I wondered

I fell asleep.

 

XII

                I expected to see Katya.

                Katya was petting Bear by the fence. Her step-father no longer yelled at her when she came to the house, into the yard. He had too many visitors now. He wanted her out of the house.

Adare saw her petting Bear and immediately attached himself to her.

I did not expect to see Katya’s mother.

I did not even realize it was Katya’s mother.  She stood in a long skirt, a heavy shirt, sunglasses. Only the sunglasses fit in. Katya, Adare, and I all wore shorts, light shirts. I had been lucky to get Adare to wear sandals. I heard Tank’s bark before I saw I him. The woman let loose of his leash and he dashed to the fence to see Bear, Adare, and Katya. She had her hair knotted up and stuffed through the back of a baseball cap, wore a light t-shirt and a loose, light skirt to her knees. I never noticed what people wore. But now I compared all of us to Katya’s mother. Adare dashed into the house and before I could ask him what he was doing he had returned with Bear’s leash.

“Katya and I are taking Bear for a walk with Tank.” He hadn’t asked me. He hadn’t asked Tank’s owner. He hadn’t asked Katya. He just announced it and it became a fact. As he was putting the leash on Bear, the woman slipped her leash back onto Tank, and Katya opened the gate to bring Bear into the front yard. No one questioned Adare’s decision. Katya’s mother slowly walked away, then a car pulled into their driveway. Her step-father appeared at the back door and shouted at her abruptly in what sounded like broken Ukrainian as two men got out of the car. Katya looked startled. Her mother looked only downward.

I thought to go with them. But I did not. I went inside, found my book, and returned outside. My back neighbor had finished pruning a tree.  “You should have gone with them.” I looked over the top of my glasses. He no longer said it, but he did not have to say. He knew. I knew. Sarah was not coming back.

And I no longer wanted her to come back.

“Do you know something I should know?” I asked, but I wish I hadn’t.

“I know something odd is going on across the street.”

“I thought perhaps it would be something I didn’t already know.”

“Oh, perhaps something else.” He leaned against the fence. “Or did you already know that the woman who walks that other dog"I think it’s Tank"lives alone.” He looked over at me, “like you.”

“Oh, right,” I said, “except that I don’t live alone. You have met Adare, remember.”

“He six”

“He lives here, doesn’t he?”

My neighbor shook his head. I could hear what he didn’t say, saving him the effort of saying it. The barking of the dogs got nearer. Tank and his owner were still with them. Katya had Bear’s leash now, and Adare was walking Tank.

Tanks’ owner came to the fence. I motioned she could let him into the yard, if she wanted, and she did. I asked Adare to get her something to drink and he dashed into the house. A moment later he appeared, walked up to her, and asked “what would you like to drink.”

“Iced tea, if you have any” she laughed

Adare dashed into the house and returned with a bottled iced tea. Katya saw and I told her she could get one if she wished. Adare dashed back into the house and came out with another iced tea for Katya.

“Unbelievable” Tank’s owner said. I looked up at her. Suddenly I notice that sweat had caused her shirt to cling close to her body. She smiled as I looked away so I didn’t stare. “The energy. He nearly ran the whole walk, and still he darts about getting tea.” She drank her tea slowly.

“You don’t have children?” I asked despite being sure she did not. She laughed a short “no” but then stopped smiling for a moment. She drank her tea, petted Bear who had defeated Tank in the battle to stand next to her, and regained her smile. I looked over at her admitting to myself that I was basically staring at her and laughed, “he keeps me busy, and tired. I don’t have trouble sleeping” but only the first part of the statement was actually true. Sleep was, after all, a lot easier to need than it was to get.

She put down her empty tea bottle, picked up the leash and called for Tank. He left my side where he had laid down after ceding his own owner to Bear for the duration of their visit. She put the leash on him, slid through the gate, and began walking across the yard. She looked back briefly, as if she felt me watching her leave. She smiled and waved.

Two men left the house across the street. The pulled out of the driveway recklessly, and raced toward the stop sign leaving skid marks and the smell of burned rubber behind them. Katya’s step-father stood on the back step, smiling to himself. Katya’s mother stayed inside. Tank’s mother shook her head. Katya slowly walked across the street to her house.

 

XIII

Bear barks a lot. But he doesn’t bark at night. At night he sleeps at the foot of the bed. He wants to sleep on the bed but he gets too hot. So he sleeps on the floor.

It was just after midnight when Bear barked. I had fallen asleep. Now I was wide awake. Bear ran downstairs. I hesitated. Bear would protect his herd no matter what, but I also knew Bear might need protecting. Then the barking stopped. It was eerily silent. Then Bear slowly climbed back up the stairs and lay down on the floor next to the bed.

Downstairs I noticed somebody on the porch, laying down.

Katya.

I opened the door. “Why didn’t you knock?” She looked surprised that I had asked. I laughed “Bear already had me awake, what harm could it do.” The days were warm, but the nights were not. I let her in and she stood silently.

I walked toward the kitchen, “you know where the guest room is, so make yourself comfortable.” She still stood there, almost a statue.

“Katya, I’m not going to ask why you are here, you don’t need to explain.” I sat down “but if you need to explain, you may.” She looked puzzled. It was late, so I thought the English might have confused here. I tried again, “if you want to talk, that’s fine. If you just want to sleep, that’s fine too.”

I knew Katya wanted to talk. I also knew she couldn’t talk. At least she couldn’t tell me why she was there, half past midnight, in pajamas. Finally, she walked up the stairs and I heard the guest room door close. Bear had come back downstairs. He and I stood at the window. I noted a car in the driveway across the street. I went back upstairs, Bear followed. Sleep refused to follow. I gave up. I sat up. I opened the laptop and opened the cite.

My inbox was jammed. Women I would never know wanted to know if had ever had sex with two women at once. Women I would never know sent me photos of themselves in lingerie, or less. Women I had I never known told me how much they missed me.

The women I had chatted with were nowhere to be found, but a steady stream of other women invited me talk about my fantasies or asked if I wanted to see more of them. It was nearly 2:00 in the morning. I decided I didn’t want to see them, I didn’t want to talk about my fantasies, and I didn’t want to start a conversation with another woman who was going to disappear. I logged off, shut the laptop, and wondered why I cared, maybe even if I cared, that the women I had chatted with had disappeared.

And I realized I did care. But I failed to understand why I cared.

Bear had started snoring. I decided to read. I turned to get the book and glanced out the window. A woman was walking. At first I didn’t know who it was but then she walked under a streetlight. I could see the unruly mass of hair constrained by the back opening of a baseball cap. Then she moved forward, just two steps, and their pitch black hair disappeared into the darkness of the night. No Tank, just the woman. And I wondered what kept her up at night.

I opened the book

 

XIV

                Early June slid into late June; late June slid into early July People without dogs shot of fireworks as dusk turned to dark. The fireworks woke Bear who barked at them. Bear’s barking woke Adare.  Adare woke me.

                I steeled myself for the annual barrage of noise, the bangs and booms of fireworks. Even Bear seemed to sense it was coming. Adare was old enough this year he wanted to see the fireworks display over the lake. And Katya wanted to see them also.  We could watch them from the backyard, I assured them. I saw no need to actually go down to the lake.

                I worried about Bear.

                It was about midday when Bear rushed to the fence to great Tank. I asked how Tank handled the noise of fireworks.

                “Not well,” she said. “I’ll just spend the night of the fourth with him on my lap, probably.”

                I laughed. She smiled. We both knew Tank was easily four times the size of her lap. “Well,” she added, “with his head in my lap, anyway.”

                I scratched Bear with one hand, and reached over the fence and scratched Tank with my other hand. “You can bring him here; maybe they’d do better together?” We both realized, immediately, that I was really inviting her. I was just using the dogs. But the dogs didn’t mind and she smiled.

                “Ok, say we get here about 9:00; fireworks usually start going off around 10:00 or 10:15.”

                “9:00 would be great.”

                “I’ll bring a watermelon.” She laughed, “I’d say that your son would love watermelon, but that would be just an excuse because I really love watermelon.”

                “But he does like watermelon.”

                “I’m sure,” she laughed, “and the dogs will do better if their together, too.”

                I didn’t even notice when Katya arrived at the house. I had gotten used to her appearing even such a short time. Adare ran up and hugged her. She put down a backpack. I was mildly curious, but not terribly surprised. She rubbed Adare’s hair, “hey” she said, adding"more to me than to him"“I might have to spend the night, what do you think of that.”

                Of course Adare thought that would be great. I knew if that when she said she might have to spend the night that it meant she definitely could not go home that night. Adare announced he was going upstairs to get some toys. Katya suddenly seemed older, much older, as she dropped into a chair. “Mom says my step-father has a bunch of beer and a bunch of firecrackers and I shouldn’t be home when his friends get there and…”

                I just let it be. She needed it to be let be.

                Adair ran downstairs without any toys. He had changed his mind. He grabbed Katya’s hand, practically dragging her into the kitchen where he grabbed Bear’s leash. They headed out the door, “do you think we’ll see Tank” he asked.  Katya just smiled and told me “I’m almost ten, he’ll be safe with me.” I would never have worried about it, not here, not with Bear who weighed in at just over one hundred pounds. But I smiled at her anyway and said “I know.”

                Bear, Katya and Adare were out a long time. When they came back, they had Tank with them.  Adare burst into the yard where I was preparing the grill.

                “Mary’s bringing watermelon” he shouted.

                It took me a moment. I had invited a woman to watch the fireworks and she agreed to bring watermelon. But it was my son who learned her name. “Yes, she is.” I said.

                “I told her she should come earlier for hot dogs, is that ok?”

                “Well, she only said she might,” Katya interrupted “so I don’t know if she will or she won’t.”

                She did.

                “I’m sorry, I just thought, well. Adare was so insistent. And I’d just be home with Tank, so…”

                I smiled, “it fine, Mary. I should have invited you to the cookout. I just assumed you’d have had other plans.”

                She seemed surprised I knew her name. She stumbled. I knew she didn’t know my name but before I told her Katya called out the kitchen window, “Chris, where is the bread roll.” I was surprised, She’d always called me Mr. Anderson, but now she was nearly ten.

                Mary smiled. “Well, that takes care of that, doesn’t it Chris.” She brushed against my arm and looked at the grill, “you should turn that one.” And our fingers intertwined. Knowing names broke the last barrier between us.

                The sun sets late in the summer this far north. Very late. By 10:30 it was dark enough for the city to start shooting the fireworks over the lake. The children looked up to the sky with oohs and aahhs. The dogs squeezed under the chaired. Mary leaned into my side.

                Then the booms and bangs of firecrackers started across the street. It was if Katya’s step father was trying to outdo the city with noise. It shook the ground, and vibrated up our feet. I thought to turn, and saw the flames.

                I ran inside and called the fire department. He wouldn’t be the first drunk to set his house on fire on the Fourth of July, but the damage looked as if a bomb went off, not a firecracker.

                Katya held Adare back.

                “But I can help” he protested. “I want to help.”

                Katya just stared. Blank. Holding Adare. Silent.

                Hours later, the fire department had cleared the cite. The ambulance had come, collected the bodies, and left. The firemen muttered about drunk men, firecrackers, and punctured gas lines. 

Katya had gone to the guest room.

                Half the house across the street was gone.

               

 

XV

 

                Katya emerged from the guest room. She handed me an envelope. She stared at the floor, “mom said to give this to you is something happened.” She turned to go back to the room, to be alone, “I guess blowing up the house is something.”

                I opened the overstuffed envelop. Some of it was in English, some of it was Ukrainian. At the bottom of a page of Ukrainian I saw my signature. Well forged, but forged nonetheless. It was dated for the 28^th of June. I quickly scanned the bottom of the pages for an English version.

                There, in English, I found a legal document assigning me as Katya’s guardian.

                I sat on the floor.

                Mary came up behind me, put her hand on my shoulder, and then passed through the hallway into the guest room, Katya’s room.

                I found a letter.

“When I met David online, I was heartbroken. The Russians and their bombs were destroying my city, and they destroyed my life. David was a gentleman. He said he liked me because I wasn’t like the vulgar girls online. I didn’t ask for presents to let him watch me naked. I thought he was good man, and for three months he was.

“When David brought me and my Katya to America we lived in a city with others from the Ukraine or Russia. He was gentleman and doted on Katya. He asked for something from me, from my body, that I thought a little vulgar. But it was ok, I thought, he treated me well, and Katya could have good life here.

“He got more and more vulgar in his demands. But what could I do. I could not go back to Ukraine. I closed my eyes. I let him have what he wanted, and we had enough to eat, friends nearby, and Katya went to a good school

“The we moved. And there were no Russians, no Ukrainians. No one who spoke my language. And now he wasn’t just vulgar with me. He brought other men, dirty, disgusting men. They paid him. He locked me a room with them. Sometimes one, sometimes two. Even three, or four. If they paid, he didn’t care what they did to me. I thought, I can live in this hell for Katya. Her life will be better. What else matters?

“When I heard him tell a man he had a step-daughter who would be ready soon, for twice the money, I knew I couldn’t live in this hell anymore. I would go to hell, and I would take him with me, and I would leave Katya here, where she could have a batter life and never know how bad living in hell can be.

                Katya must have found something with my signature. Katya must have translated the story.

My heart sank. Katya must know what her mother suffered. 

I put the letter down. I traced my signatures on the documents. If anyone asked if I signed them of my own free will, now I could say yes.