Yellow Morning Star

Yellow morning star:

How far are thou?

I see your glow,

Out in the open sea

I feel your warmth,

Through the summer leaved trees

I hear your cry,

Over the valley hills

But I do not know how far thou are

Come to me:

Yellow morning star

I stand alone

Waiting for your return to me.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This may be concise, but it definitely delivers! Very solemn, very profound. The Muse was with you in the writing of this one. My only comment is that "thou" has the verb ending in "st" or "t", depending on regularity/irregularity ("art", "wast", "comest", "dost"), and, while on the subject, third person ends in "th". So your "are"'s would have to therefore be "art"'s given you choose to use "thou". Also your "your" at the end should therefore be "thy". But since you use "your" at the end, best keep that (for it sounds better), and switch the "thou"'s to "you"'s (because it's the only time you use archaic language, and therefore it appears off). Other than that, this is absolutely well done! I was honestly sucked into the world of the poem and floated about in the lulling sensation.