Sometimes

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Sometimes...

 When the weight of the world wants to crush my soul

splintering my heart into tiny pieces

Sometimes ...

I’ll just sit at my window -staring through the glass

as the rain quietly drips down my window panes

I feel the child that sleeps inside of me...

 wanting so badly to be hugged - to be loved

It nibbles greedily at my heart strings

these pangs of wanting - needing

 

As I feel my tears quietly stain my cheeks

leaving their clear, salty trace - I hear her voice

and I listen to the hopes and dreams of my needy child

this little girl that sleeps inside my soul - my mind

I quietly pay attention to her heart

her unspoken words- held so deep within

 

I imagine her dancing - laughing - playing carefree

Watched over lovingly by those who were supposed to care

Those too busy to notice

Those who failed to pay her mind…

Failing to connect the dots that made her smile

Failing to help her blossom into a woman

 

Through my window - I watch the rain cry its tears

As they silently drip down the window panes of my heart -

my child’s heart

Peeling back the worn, torn pages of my mind

I reticently watch the world go by - wishing

 

So many of my pieces missing -

leaving raw, unfinished edges on my skin

Elusive, tainted memories of a childhood never given

Love never shared

 

Tracing the rain as it drips quietly on my window pane

I touch the wetted tears on my face

Reminiscent of my own failings as a mother

Reminiscent of the memories of my wounded, lost childhood

The weeping tears of me - her

My little girl within

 

~

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Anne P Murray

 

 

 

Author's Note

Dedicated to my three grown children- who I loved - who I failed and who I hope could have all their fondest dreams come true