The Fear

In order to declare my sanity I must first at least ackowledge the possibility that I could be crazy!

Her fingers trembled above the keys, poised and ready for the attack. The words, however were not forthright in flowing down to their tips and so there they hovered in nervous anticipation.

 

She could feel her heart beginning to pound away like a tribal drum inside her chest; her breath felt tight inside her throat. There were so many things she wanted to say, yearned to confess, and yet it had been so long since she had indulged her thoughts in the written word that she felt verbally paralysed.

 

Four or five years had passed in which she had virtually sleepwalked through life. It was as if her soul had gone into hibernation and her body had slipped into automatic cruise control while she drifted in and out of the days and months and eventually years. She wasn't exactly sure what it was that had awoken her from this slumber and replaced the vast nothingness with a newfound passion and the burning desire to write.

 

A strange sense of fragility washed over her as she prepared to offer herself up for critique. The idea of sharing her most intimate thoughts with the world felt like falling in love for the first time - a mixture of both fear and excitement was building up like adrenalin - ready to boil over. Like a lamb to the slaughter she remembered just how easily she could be broken and wondered how she would cope if it all fell through?

 

There were so many questions racing about in her mind - too many at once - all fighting for a voice to be heard. It had been so long - would she still be able to communicate as effectively as she once could? Would her audience connect with her words? Could she inspire them even? And if she failed?...

 

There was no room for failure.

 

She suddenly remembered that she must remain confident if she was serious about acheiving her goals and so she laughed to herself and hushed all of her insecurities, asking them to be patient for at least a little while.

 

The hardest part is getting started she reminded herself.

 

She tried to imagine a silver path running from her head to her heart and then to her finger tips. There were cracks in the pavement but she refused to let them get in her way. Mentally, she filled all of the gaps - one by one - until the path was no longer broken and there was just one fluid stretch connecting her mind, body and spirit.

 

As if by magic she began to feel the touch of the cool, hard keys as the words began to flow like a river - twisting and tumbling over rises and around bends - impatiently travelling towards the wide, open ocean. The sound of the tapping was like a beautiful melody to her hungry ears and they savoured every bite.

 

The hardest part is getting started...

 

 

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at writing since high school! It is amazing how much you remember and also how much you forget over time. There are some words that were not exactly what I was searching for but I was struggling to replace them with something more suitable. I am open to your suggestions on these. The first one is the use of the word verbally - what is the written equivalant of verbally? Verbally was the closest I could come when I was trying to explain how the writer felt as if she were choking on her words physically as well as mentally. The lump in her throat was like her words getting stuck trying to reach the page and she was literally frozen in that state. I also had trouble reconciling whether or not I wanted to use the term soul or spirit to describe the part of her that was left behind during the time of dormancy when the writer (myself of course) was preoccupied with everyday life and forgot all about her passion for writing. I also rushed the end out of desperation to get the piece finished for review. I will probably go back and edit it later. I would also welcome any advice on the use of the semi colon as opposed to a comma. I have forgotten most of what I know about grammar and I keep getting confused as to which symbol is appropriate in each situation. Please be gentle on me for me first time back on the horse. I hope that you enjoyed my little story (if you can even call it a story) and will provide me with some much needed constructive advice. I would love to hear what you all think! Shall I keep writing? Is there any shred of talent left in me that I can salvage and make good with? I appreciate your honesty :) Thank you

Reviews

[BrightEyes]

I understand what you are saying about the word "verbally" yet I think I rather like its usage within this piece. For what else are we doing when we write, but having a conversation, or telling a story to another unknown person?

After reading through and taking a look at the hyphen usage, I think most of your hyphens could be replaced with commas. So, now you can wear out the comma key lol

I enjoyed this read. Perhaps it was the fact that it was so "real" - no pretense. Here, this is me trying to write. Here - this is me talking to myself, trying to get my fingers to type. A place that every writer has been at one time or another. Definitely keep writing. There is an easy going, natural flow to even this first piece that I think would make you a great story writer.

[Lizanne]

You so adequately write about the fear everyone has when they begin to write again after a brief hiatus.
Your writing is very fluid. The reader does not have to struggle to follow your train of thougt. You will be magnificent at this. Don't give up your dream. May I have an autographed copy of your first book?

[Eagle Cruagh]

Dear Lainey,

It is apparent that you are concerned about how your
writing will be perceived.
Here are a couple of things to consider:
1----Quite a few readers are poor readerss and bad writers.
2----Most people will never read what you have written.
3----Many readers will tell you what you want to hear.
4----You will wait, sometimes for weeks, for a review only to
have them come in a bunch that you have trouble answering.
5----A few will correct every little word and typo and they are
usually the ones who do not know what the hell they are
talking about.
6----A few nice people will be encouraging and maybe offer a
little advice-----follow them.

Your story was beautifully done----Thanks.
---- Eagle Cruagh

[Kerwin]

The hardest part is getting started...

Very true. I have found that to be the case in every write i have ever done. Nice job with this.

[LaineyBeetle]

I should have proof read this peice before hitting "publish"! I didn't realise how often I used a hyphen to separate parts of sentences where I would break away and add something in and then go back to the sentence again. This is very similar to the way I talk - I often break away - and then come back onto the topic again. I cannot explain why I communicate this way - it is just the way I have always been! It appears I write the same way that I speak and I am not sure if there is a better way to structure my writing with better use of grammar so that I am not constantly wearing out the hyphen key on my keyboard! Help!