I Just Wanted To Be Loved

When I was 10, I couldn’t wait to grow up and have a boyfriend;

Someone to hold hands with in the back seat of his car

And someone to kiss me like they do in the movies.

 

But when I got old enough to understand what girls really did in the back seat of their boyfriend’s car

The only reason boys paid attention to me was so they could tell me that I was fat

Or that I was so ugly that no-one would even want to rape me.

I saw all the other girls in my class making out with the popular guys;

Their tongues darting in and out each other’s mouths, like two snakes having a fight

I heard them talking to their friend’s in the cafeteria at lunch time

Bragging about how many times they had had sex that week.

I longed to be a part of that.

I wanted to be one of the girls that lost her virginity in the back seat of her boyfriend’s car.

One of the girls who got called a s**t by other girls

Because isn’t that better than being told that no boy will ever want to kiss you in case your ugliness was infectious?

Isn’t that better than being told that no-one will ever want to have sex with you?

And isn’t sex the definition of love?

 

When I got my first boyfriend at the age of 18;

I was constantly telling him that I was fat

And that it was a wonder he wasn’t as ugly as me from the amount of times we kissed.

I put myself down that many times, I should have changed my name to ‘insecure.’

It took me 5 months before I finally got the confidence to have sex with him

But he had told me that he loved me 5 days after we started dating.

Reviews

[zaneybear]

there are so many emotions and lessons balled up behind this writing, I adore it, many people never grow out of it, and the many that do realize love is something real and not just losing your virginity in the backseat of a car, time is what love truly needs for it to be real. this is beautiful thank you.

[Antoñyo]

A necessary piece that sends more messages than the definition itself. It sends encouragement that wanting love for the sake of being loved is not the reason WHY one should seek love. At those tender ages, love is not shown in full, not even fully developed...and boys certainly have no clue how to love. In fact, there is no way to begin to understand real love (like real friendship) until we get past those days of wanting to be a part of the crowd, wanting to belong or be popular. Few learn this early in life, and this piece expresses one important point of view on what happens to those that do not or have no one to teach them.
Excellent write,
Thanks

[Jordan]

No one can tell us whowe really are... its whatwe choose to believe... I am sure you must be thinking that its eeasy to say. But believe me, I know what it feels like to be an outcast.

[Aaron the Baron]

this subject matter is devastating and frightening. It signifies struggles faced during adolescence, all the "truths" and half-turths known to us during those times. Such trial and error, such discovery.

[ToneWolf]

Not sure about this one being a poem but rather a story questioning the relationship of sex and true love.