A Distorted Encounter.

the intro to the story.

Eve waited in the canopy of trees at the edge of the Distorted woods, reaching into her bag she pulls out her binoculars to observe the nearby town of Ironwood. In the world of Grimfold the Distorted woods occupies the majority of the land, Iron wood is the only town to reside close to the forest. It had been three days since her last visit to the town, with word of the royal army of Dervash on its way she didn’t want to appear when they did, taking her advantage to observe from afar. She spots two young men in the recognisable armour of the army, their colour red shown by them wearing red mantles. One of the men are speaking with the mayor of the town Eli, the mayor seem to be shaking his head. With her advanced binoculars she could also hear what the men were talking about with the flick of a switch, Eli had been brushing the forces off and asking them to leave saying that he had no need for them. Eve traded with the town occasionally and treats any of the sick residents as there has been an outbreak of a disease called Mortal Syndrome it affected the people making them bedridden and the loss of limbs. Eve places her mask in place to remain anonymous and drops from the branch of the tree she was standing underneath.

 As she entered the town it was clear she was a very welcomed as a visitor, the young drones of the army noticed that they did not get the same welcoming. The town’s folk trusted her deeply for her help with those afflicted with the disease.  Eli spotted her heading towards him and took her aside, “are you mad? What if they grow suspicious?” smiling at his caring thoughts spoken aloud Eve reassures him. “I’m wearing my mask they won’t identify me and it has been 14 years I doubt they are still looking for me.” Her words seem to do very little to ease the mayor, “still you should make this visit a short one in the least best to be careful anyway” giving a heavy sigh she nods not actually planning on doing what he asked. “alright but I will still help those who are suffering and I’ll come at night after today, on another note you must accept the Royal army offer” taken aback Eli throws his arms up in the air “how will that help? It’s the 60^th day of summer were starting to prepare with winter and you want to involve the army?” Eve watches the army’s Drones as she speaks to Eli, they both seem to be lingering close to the mayor “with they’re resources you won’t have to struggle though the winter and you won’t have to rely on me for medicine for those afflicted, do it you have to trust me Eli” unable to gage her expression because of her mask Eli rubs his balding head “fine but if it turns sour then ill blame you” laughing Eve turns away “fine by me Eli ill head on over to the quarantine if you need me for anything” one of the Drones follows her as she Leaves Eli “who are you? What is your business with the Mayor of this town?” stopping just before the quarantine door she turns “I could ask you the same question stranger. But I’m just a visitor” before he spoke again she slipped inside and shut the door. Eve spent most of the day taking care of those suffering, some of the town’s maidens left food for her and even gifts as thanks. One in particular who is immune to the disease help Eve most of the day. A mother, Eve’s heart panged with pain of loss lost in her memories eve began thinking of her mother Evelyn. Her blood red hair down past her waist, the loving smile she gave her. A tear slipped past the barricade she put up and wiped it away. The mother helping her was a bubbly woman and a caring mother seeing Eves silence and storming mood she excused herself for the night and left. 

Eve left Ironwood late in the night making a quick time to her home in the Distorted Woods. Moving through the tree tops quickly she arrived to the treehouse her father had built her, setting her equipment down and removing her capote glowing spores float around her living area in the house almost as if they greet her warmly. “You’ve been gone along time I was beginning to worry about you. Eve” Agro looked at her from his rooted position on the tree, her only true friend that she could trust. She found agro growing on a dying tree deep within the woods as a fungus he needed the life of a younger still living tree. She brought him home with her and he thrived on her home tree, being the one who saved him he took it upon himself to keep watch over eve when she was home. “The Dervash army is occupying Ironwood.” She was met with a long pause then she looked at him twisting away from the tree he met her gaze “you’ll have to be careful, I don’t know if I can help you out there, the reach is too far.” He was never angry only caring looking ways to help her. She hugged him close feeling the strain of the day slip away “I know thank you Agro for caring” he lifted her and put her into the hammock hanging from the ceiling “you’ve been looking after them again. I wish I could help them too” he was talking about those infected by mortal syndrome. “I wish I could do more as well agro” Eve’s eye fluttered shut on a sigh and agro return to keep watch over the house from the many creatures lurking in the woods.

The next day Eve left home to find the Royal army had already settled and was taking over Ironwood, even early in the day the town was busy. Although the lack of children playing seemed to be an after effect from the army’s arrival, they have an encampment outside the town’s walls. There appeared to be a commander speaking to his subordinates one of which was the drone that spoke to her he seemed to be getting scolded from her position on the ground she couldn’t see what they were talking about. She moved to the edge of town hearing them more clearly “do you mean to tell me that she lives in the woods? Do you realise how ridicules that is?” the commander had bounding voice which resonated off the buildings that surrounded them “I understand that but I witnessed her leaving the town into the forest. Commander I would ask the towns people but are intent on keeping any information on her to themselves” the commander sighed and his tone turned stern “I’m finding it difficult to believe you Blane, until you give me hard evidence don’t bother me with this. It’s a waste of my time.”

Author's Note

thats all i have so far im just looking for some help and if its an alright story.

Reviews

[TheBlueJay]

Hello, so my thoughts, take them how you will.
I think you have a good idea here, but there are somethings missing or don’t feel fully developed yet. I would like to see how this story grows as you learn about what this new world is like and how different character’s impact the way Eve acts.
You have a fair number of grammar mistakes, but I won’t address them unless they greatly impact my reading of the story.
Your first paragraph reads a little like an info drop. Try to ease into the information. You use too much telling and not enough showing. When I was reading It felt less like I was in a story and more like I was looking at half drawn pictures. I’m not saying to go crazy or anything with the description, but just help your reader see what is going on.
Random suggestion: When she is looking through the binoculars, maybe don’t have the listening thing, unless this is a super advanced world. Have her reading lips and you can show her frustration of the men turning their heads or using slang that she doesn’t know because it isn’t used in her city.
Not all people talk the same way, it is even less likely if they are from different empires.
It was an odd switch in what was going on from paragraph one to two. I thought that the town had been occupied by the other army? Once, I started reading on I didn’t get that impression. It might be helpful to add a checkpoint into town that she goes around or soldiers on the street who ask her questions.
Make sure you follow normal dialogue rules, it’s distracting when they aren’t being used. Also, it made it a little difficult to remember who was talking. FYI.
Don’t be discouraged my comment. I do think you have a good concept here. I would just really like to see description added.

[¿]

Of course, but I think it is far more than alright!!
If you bring something like, you know drama, mystery and all that it would be an amazing read.
I'm waiting for the next chapter hope you bring it soon!!
Nice Read - Tahsin. Z 😊

[Lauren Kay Kydd]

thank you, ill be adding a bit more to this chapter soon.