Room

There’s more room for happiness now
There’s more room to breathe
I no longer feel like I’m suffocating
Underneath all this sadness
That you used to bring me
No longer paralyzed with
The need of feeling wanted
Heard, felt, and seen
There’s more room for me to be me
To develop, to love, to become
Now that you’re gone.
There’s more space to just be
And I wouldn’t say that I am perfect now
Because I never will be
As though I had not been broken
Into a million little pieces
That very brokenness
Has allowed me to finally be open
An open wound
That has begun blooming with vines and branches and flowers and leaves and absorbing all the sunlight and water that it can
I am becoming
I am becoming
I am in the life process of healing and growing
Becoming undone and being built up again
Dying and living
Shedding my leaves and growing new ones in my own personal seasons
My fault lines run deep
As do my attributes
The good and the bad run through my branches and vines
And I breathe much more fully now
I breathe with my whole heart again
Laugh, sing, and smile with my whole soul again
I feel the pain much less acutely now
Just another blemish, another scar
That I must bear to remember my worth
There is so much room to grow
So much space to take up
I remembered pain does not last forever
Words and notes and songs
Reminded me that I will be whole once again
That wholeness comes from myself
When I am ready to be whole
On my own
Those two years of my life do not define me
I do
All the pain I have felt in my life has only made me stronger
All the trauma and the emotional abuse I have endured has only made me realize
That I want to love myself more
And be proud to say that I do
There is more room now
To breathe
To grow
To live
I have been broken open in what I once thought was the most ugly way possible
But now all I can see
Is how necessary
And beautiful being broken open
Truly is.
-July 30th, 2020 @ 9:14 pm