Monsters in my head

A short text I wrote few months ago.

She was a strong child, even when her mother left her alone and she had to take care of her father. You would never think she could fall apart easily. Smile on her face and the healthy glow of her skin showed only happiness and serenity. 

[Floor. Spoon. Chocolate powder. Bread. Swallow. Faster. More. More. Stop. No. Keep eating. Stop. Nothing left. Get it out. Bathroom. Get it out. Out. Out. Relief. Hate. Regret. Never again.]

{Repeat.}

Boys loved her. She played soccer with them and caught frogs in the dirty pond. Other girls only played with dolls and plastic ponies. She was different, special.

Once school started she began to fight with boys and started hanging out with girls. Everyone teased her that she looks like a boy and that her body is too bulky. Her hair was too short and her clothes not pink enough. She ignored them and kept quiet. Since then most of her days were spent inside and her company were books and characters she wanted to be. Sometimes she pretended she was someone else. A girl with long brown hair and chocolate skin from her favourite novel, wearing a blue dress and pretty shoes, dancing in the garden with butterflies and flowers in her hand. 

[Floor. Spoon. Chocolate powder. Bread. Swallow. Faster. More. More. Stop. No. Keep eating. Stop. Nothing left. Get it out. Bathroom. Get it out. Out. Out. Relief. Hate. Regret. Never again.]

{Repeat.}

Laughter. 'You are fat', they said. She listened and listened and listened until it was all she heard. 

Nothing was wrong with her because she smiled. Everything was normal because her skin had a healthy glow. She was happy. Right?

[Floor. Spoon. Chocolate powder. Bread. Swallow. Faster. More. More. Stop. No. Keep eating. Stop. Nothing left. Get it out. Bathroom. Get it out. Out. Out. Relief. Hate. Regret. Never again.]

{Repeat.}

She became one of the adults. Maybe she will be free from those mean voices now. Nothing can touch her, no one can judge her. Right?

She cried sitting on the floor with a spoon in her hand and regret in her heart. Voices never left her.

Reviews

[Androglossia]

Rancor. How long can a person hold it depends on two things, the intent and the gravity of the situation. And I think what you were trying to convey is that grudge can take a toll on a person, psychologically and emotionally. And it's important to release those emotion because it could damage an entire life.
This is a very thoughtful piece. This made me realize the things that the world have overlooked. This made me think of the people I've misunderstood. You have a great way with words and it easily conveys emotion.

[Ina Waltz]

Your description of this piece gave it another dimension, which makes me extremely happy. This is the exact reason why I don't like to add a description- each person can see it with 'their own eyes' without me meddling. Thank you for your review. I'm glad it made such an impact on you and changed your understanding of others.

[Androglossia]

You're very welcome!

[Bill]

Eating disorders are incredibly damaging, and incredibly sad. I hope this is not a reflection of your current or past life, and I hope it can be a helpful warning to others.

As for the story, I was a little disappointed that it didn't have more of an arc. This is what I would call a vignette, rather than a complete story. Nothing wrong with that at all, I hasten to add! I just personally prefer longer stories with clear, traceable arcs. You don't owe me that.

Basically, I wanted to know specifically what led to her fate, and I wanted to know how she would overcome it. I started out seeing that she had been a strong child, that she had learned strength by taking care of her father. She had been a tomboy whose clothes weren't pink enough (great line by the way). You tell us that she had a downfall, and her downfall manifests itself in an eating disorder. But you only tell us that the cause was generic teasing. I wanted specifics, and I wanted to know how she was going to get off that floor.

By the way, the repetitive [Floor. Spoon. Chocolate powder...] sections are BRILLIANT.

[Ina Waltz]

That's a story about my life. Bits and pieces from a book I'm writing randomly connected so they would make sense in a short version. I see where you're coming from. If my book gets published you will surely know the entire story which is more disturbing than you can even imagine. And no, generic teasing was not the only cause, but it did 'help'. Getting off the floor is still a work in progress...even after 7 years of recovery. Thank you for your review, I appreciate it immensely! It's such a pleasure to see that even these little pieces made someone interested in the whole story.

[Bill]

I did not mean to suggest that generic teasing was the cause. That would be insulting, and it was not my intention to be insulting! I meant to say that we are only told, generically, that teasing took place.

Getting off the floor is always a work in progress, for everybody who ever had to get up off the floor from something! What matters is that you keep getting up every time you fall down. My very best to you in life and writing.

[Charlotte Acrobat]

It's funny how most of the adults forget the cruelty of kids. This should be a reminder.

[Albarrak]

Hello ,

beautiful meaning

[Ina Waltz]

Thank you!