Living Distractions

I live in a world of distractions.

When I get really scared or feel really low, I feel...nothing can save me from the world. It hurts so much and I don't know what to do. I can't think right, my mind is clouded by the allusion of what's missing. And what I want...what I need, is a distraction. A distraction. To preoccupy the inevitable and distance me from the real world. That way, I never have to deal with the pain and can mask myself with happiness. Distractions are what keep me alive, now that I'm old enough to hold a knife. And since I'm so easily distracted, I always forget what's really happening.

I'm never in touch with the real world now. It's like two parts of a human being. One living in fear and pain, never knowing what will happen next, while the other doesn't give a f**k. She's too distracted.

I don't want to be distracted anymore, but I don't wanna face the pain either. I wanna be free. Free from distractions, free from the fear. But it's too difficult to live in fear alone. I want a clear mind again, that's a dream I'll never give up on. I want to except my fate like everyone can. Yet, I can't! Why can't I be a normal teenager? They think they're invincible, while I see the truth. One day I'm going to die. But the suspense of knowing when is to much to handle. While some call me a coward, a lost soul that's to stupid to give up, I'll just call up another distraction.