Open Door

"Some thoughts about love and leaving"

My heart falls deep

Into a place where my hands can’t reach

I outstretch these tired fingers

Reignite their old ache

But my angry

Tired

Broken heart 

Crawls into the corner

The darkest place it can’t reach

“Don’t love me”

It says

Because it’s easier to accept that you hate me

Look at me

This desperate abandoned thing

Holding on to the legs of my father

Begging him not to leave

Telling myself not to miss him because his name was sharp and my mother’s tongue was mean

Love has always been leaving

Sitting on the floor

Covered by the shadow of an open door

Waiting for someone

Anyone to come back

I stare at that empty hole for hours

Waiting 

Always waiting

As if love for me is a game of waiting for the next bullet

Or more accurately the next heart to flee

Is it me?

Am I the reason they flee?

I’m too much

Too heavy

Too filled with pain passed down for free

I myself am an open door

Trying to pull myself shut

Watching everyone walk through me

Left

Again and again

And like an infant 

When love is not right next to me

Holding me close to its chest

Cradling me in its warmth

I am convinced it does not exist

Reviews

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I remember in my youth when my parents decided they were divorcing. I was about 12 or 13 at the time. I remember crying begging my father not to leave, despite the fact he was an abusive alcoholic. Their love and the erosion of it affected the way I would love and judge my relationships. Always a pessimist believing I was unlovable until I convinced the other person I was right. In my self destructive nature. These words really touched home with me. I see a lot of myself in these words. Thank you Lillian for sharing your art with us.

[Lillian Kirsch]

I'm glad my words were able to resonate with you. Its also, nice to know that I'm not the only one who relates and sees myself in these words. I often write my poetry when I feel alone, and to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way is comforting.

[William Michael Reeves]

What a powerful start to share. No longer are you hiding in the darkest place that can't be reached. Your pain can heal in the light of words. If they flee, it wasn't meant to be. Better free of that misery.

billigami

[Lillian Kirsch]

I completely agree with you there, my friend. Those who flee aren't worth the company

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Lilian. I have asked similar questions.
"Is it me?
Am I the reason they flee?
I’m too much
Too heavy
Too filled with pain passed down for free"
I understand the above lines dear Lilian. I have watched love did and I wondered. Was love, just myth and tale. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Lillian Kirsch]

Unfortunately I find myself asking those kinds of questions all the time. But I think its important to let those feelings out into the open so they can be proven as false. Thank you again for your kind words, Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Lilian. I love your name. One of my daughters name.

[Lillian Kirsch]

Oh really? That's pretty cool, I hope your daughter is doing well

[Coyote Poetry]

She is doing very well. She listen to me. Education, education and more education. She won best realtor in Southwest Michigan, two times.

[Lillian Kirsch]

That's incredible! I'm glad she's doing well.

[Coyote Poetry]

All four of my children are doing well. I have five grandchildren. I do complain but I know I am blessed. We are what we leave behind dear Lilian. I have a garden of strong children.

[Lillian Kirsch]

That's a beautiful way to put it

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Lilian. Please dear Lilian, send me read request.

[Lillian Kirsch]

I'm not entirely sure how. When I click send it doesn't do anything.

[Coyote Poetry]

Well. Always the email dear Lilian. W.C been acting odd. I am retired now. I read and write everyday. I do enjoy your work.

[Lillian Kirsch]

I'm glad you enjoy my work, I also try my best to read and write every day.

[Coyote Poetry]

I have a thousand plus book on my bookshelf. I love words dear Lilian. We need words. Every morning from Monday to Friday at the bus-stop. A beautiful mama name Amanda talks to me. I listen to her. She needs me. I listen to her. We need someone to listen to us, we need someone to be kind to us. I do love her. She is a amazing mama.
We need people to love us, as-is. I adore the mamas who love their babies.

[Lillian Kirsch]

I absolutely agree, love is the foundation on which all of humanity stands.

[Coyote Poetry]

Yes dear Lilian. Love is all we got. When love is forgotten. What is left?