One step forward

I don't know...

I took a deep breath,

and stared dead straight.

I'm not completely sure,

but this is fate.

One million reasons to stay,

one million reasons to go away.

One step forward, two more to go...

I put up a long enough fight,

but I gave up tonight.

Exhale, and let my senses go,

I'll let my blood, rush, and flow.

Your smell, your eyes,

The pure truth, no lies.

Every touch, every smile,

I would follow you every mile.

One step forward, one more to go...

Everything seems to move to slow,

my heart beats are so fast.

Reminicing in the past.

I lingered on your face, perfect to me,

like a blind man, finally able to see.

I see you now, your here.

One step forward... droping at a fast rate.

Yes, this is fate.

I feel so free,

who knew death could be so comforting.

One step forward, was all it took,

You. you were the hook.

I'll be with you soon,

wait for me.

I love you more, than you can see.

Here; We'll spend eternity.

 

 

Reviews

[Kelley]

This was sad in a happy way if you know what I mean......smiles
I enjoyed reading this and it took me back to when I was younger
and deeply in love.

Great write as always.

Kelley

[Forest Green]

Your poem is an intriguing blend of tomorrows built at least in part from consequential yesterdays. Troubling memories feeding renewed hopes. A very nice blend, indeed.

Daniel

[Ghost of Jupiter]

I agree that these seemed like lyrics or some form of spoken word...which works well for the mood or particular tone of this piece. I thought it to be well done and enjoyable. Good write

[J. A. Svercek]

I like the paradoxical effect at the beginning of the poem, but I was slightly disappointed when the rest of it lost that tone. However, you transitioned into that well, and the mood of the piece works also. Some of your rhymes are a bit off, though--if I could suggest anything, I'd say to work on those.

[Eagle Cruagh]

We say things poetically because nothing speaks
the language of poetry. You have your style and
whether someone thinks you made a mistake does
not affect the outcome of the poem. The poem is
often written with intentional discrepancy.

I borrowed the following from the page of a friend,
it describes an element of poetry like no one can.

Poetry is a story

that is so good

it doesn`t need

complete sentences.

That is how I see your poem, telling a story
and it is so good that I can not find an error.
It is written in the language of poetry.
You speak that language to perfection.

Thank you,

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Jason Young]

It's an interesting way to look at love and death. Just out of curiosity, is this meant to be read as a poem, or as lyrics? Somehow, I just see these as song lyrics.

Not that the poetic part of it is lacking- I would guide you, though, to use rhyme only when necessary. Some of these rhymes are absolutely brilliant, but others seem... Forced. Like the words don't really belong, but you're putting them there anyways.

You do some great story-telling poetry, and I'd like to see you do a more imagery-based type of writing, just to see where you go with it. However, I don't think this particular poem needs more imagery- the way you tell the story is just fine as it is, and I think imagery would only serve to bog it down and slow the pace.

Good job.