A Year In My Life

A Year In My Life

A Story by LivingDeath
"

A true story of this last year of my life. I haven't told that many people this so I'm just coming out with it.

"
People say life is awesome and that they love living it, so why is it that I'm ready to curl up and die? I'm stuck with a step father who decides that I can't do anything in my life right. Up until just recently, it was getting so bad that I couldn't even say hi without him thinking there was to much attitude in the way I said it, when really there was't any. When I tried to do something for him and my mom all I got was that it wasn't enough or I could of done it better. Every single day they would be in my face telling me that I was in pain and was suicidal, even though I wasn't at all. They thought they knew everything I was feeling, when reality was they were completely wrong... They put me through so many councilors trying to get me to talk when I had nothing to talk about. 
Everything at home was a constant fight. It could have been the smallest issue but it would get blown up like I just bombed the American White House. So eventually I just stayed down in my room to avoid the fights. With this, they concluded amongst themselves that I was sulking in life's misery and therefore was suicidal. Which was a completely false accusation. But after a while of all of this, I just couldn't take the pain of it anymore. The fights and pain was just to much. So I started cutting. I did this for a while without them knowing, and kept doing it even when they found out. After a while it just became a habit that I couldn't break. In the end I had cut over one hundred and sixty times.
The fighting kept going on, each fight getting more severe than the last. Verbal evolved to physical, and a nightmare became my life.I would run away from home often; spend my nights behind WalMart, and days in the forest of our local park. I met a girl who made me happy and loved me for who I was, and I the same. After a while I gave her a ring and a promise to be hers forever. I told her we would get married after we moved out on our own and got a place together; it was our dream. But things at home with the parents were still going further and further past rock bottom. Also I was losing friends with every week; family were dying, and other friends tried to kill themselves. It wasn't going so well. I started smoking pot to try to ease the pains, but they were always there.
I would get high every day and night hoping, just hoping one day the pain would end, but it never did. Along with this I was still cutting every single spot on my body possible. I also started drinking to ease the pain, but i could never drink enough, so the drinking didn't last long. After a while of trying to cope with the pain, fights, and accusations I started to become what my parents were assuming. Suicidal thoughts would pass though my head a few times a week. I tried a countless times to kill myself but I never could. Cars would stop, cuts would clot, and my body just wouldn't let me drown myself. And I knew I truly couldn't kill myself, because deep down, I didn't want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop and death seemed like the only option at the time.
My girlfriends parents hated my guts for no apparent reason and basically forbid our love. I couldn't see or even talk to her other then at school. But we loved eachother and knew we were the one for eachother, so we fought for our love through all the pain. They offered her five hundred dollars to break up with me, but she refused it to be with me. But to add to the pain, I found out that she was getting sexually assaulted after school by this thirty-six year old guy. They found his DNA inside of her after she confessed he had raped her. What he did destroyed both my girlfriend and I. But than one thing happened that just destroyed my life.
I was supposed to going back to B.C to visit my dad for two weeks, so I packed enough clothes for about one week. Along with my camera and Ipod; thats all I had. Right as me and my mom leave for the airport, she tells me that my plane ticket is only a one way ticket and that I cant come back or live under their roof ever again. They were kicking me out. I begged to stay but they wouldn't listen to a word I had to say. I got dropped off at the airport and left there all alone with tears pouring from my eyes. I didn't get to say goodbye to anybody.  I didn't get to say goodbye to any of my friends, I didn't get to give my girlfriend one last kiss or even say goodbye. And worst; I didn't even get to say goodbye to my five year old brother. I couldn't even see him before I left. I was separated from everybody I knew and loved in the span of an hour. And now I can't go a day without thinking of my girlfriend, or the countless hours playing with my little brother. I remember the days of just hanging out with my best friends, but now thats all gone and memories are all I have left. People say life is awesome and they love living it, so why is it I'm ready to curl up and die?

© 2010 LivingDeath


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Reviews

Life ain't always beautiful...and it's not supposed to be. Even the smallest struggle still is a struggle --- some say it's to build character... others say is God's testing methods (and if it is, that is some twisted methodology he's got there). I cannot tell you you're doing right or wrong since I'm not in your place or shoes. What I can tell you is that it does get better, once you start living for yourself and stop living for other's aproval. Light and love, my friend. Light and love.

Posted 14 Years Ago


I think you must be incredibly strong to have gone through all this and to be able to share it like you have here. There are some lines that really speak to me in this - for various reasons. I truly hope that all will be well for you.
Thank you for sharing such a genuinely honest and raw piece.

Posted 14 Years Ago


llife is worth liviing Ty but sometimes it gets hard i understand how you feel but sometimes its the way it has to be.
I will always love you even a just a friend but there will always be a spark in my heart for a more then just a friend.
it may hurt but life does sometimes it does go away just give it time.

Posted 14 Years Ago


I would say I'm sorry, but I don't think that will help anything. I could say that it will get better, but I have no idea if it will. I could say this is a new oportunity for you to live a better life with your dad, but I don't think you'll listen.

But I will say that you're a good writer and you have talent. I will say that if you keep writing, you'll learn to slowly heal and grow from everything you've learned. I will also say that the drugs and drinking and cutting will slowly kill you if you don't stop. They aren't helping, they're just adding to the stress you're already living through.

You're a strong person for not collapsing under the overwhelming situations you've lived through. Keep that strength and don't let it slip away. Remember there are many here that can listen and offer their strength when yours slips. Good luck. :D

Posted 14 Years Ago


Been through a lot. I can't say I have been there but I think I can understand some of it. Stay true to you first dude and everything else will fall into place. The drugs and alcohol will spoil whatever talents you do have dude. If you are given a fresh start, even though you don't want it, use it to show everyone that they were wrong about you. Stay positive and you will see your brother again. Remember move forward not back.

Posted 14 Years Ago


It is an amazing thing you are willing to write this and share. Life is about a lot of things. One of those is perspective. Your perspective can help determine your future. You have talent, you need goals. There is too much going on here for me to really comment, and I wouldn't do it publicly anyway. If you want, message me anytime. Third person removed sometimes helps us just clear the air. Decide for you, is the cup half full or empty? Make it always half full. A forced way of thinking but can change your overall outlook on life. Take care.

Posted 14 Years Ago


Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I cannot imagine the pain of being separated from everyone that I loved. I give you credit for sharing your story with the people of writerscafe. Even though you went for bad things to ease your pains, you seem to be a strong individual. At some point of everyone's people turn to bad things to help ease their pain. I'm one of them too, so don't feel bad. The most important thing is to try to learn from the past and move on from the past. Look at the present and set goals for the future. Take a look at my poem: Our Road. it is short but the first line is important. The story was well written, captivating, and a very surprising ending.

Posted 14 Years Ago


The best part of life is we can try to repair the past by living good in the present. I like this story. I could feel your disappointment. A first step in knowing we are on the wrong road. A very good story. A sad but strong ending.
Coyote

Posted 14 Years Ago


spectacular work, and i agree, you've gone through a lot and you've put it really well here. brilliant work i say

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on April 17, 2010
Last Updated on May 13, 2010

Author

LivingDeath
LivingDeath

Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada



About
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." ~Kurt Cobain. Wasssup guys! I am me, if you want my name, ask me for it. Life in every breath, is my motto. 22 years old, living .. more..

Writing
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