911

=] I was listening to Paramore, they inspire ALL my songs. :[ E

 

911 emergency,

Hello? Hello? I can’t see!

There’s only darkness in front of me.

Help me before it swallows me!

 

I’m stumbling around,

Crashing to the ground,

I can’t feel my heart pound.

I scream but I don’t hear a sound.

 

My vision’s been erased by tears,

My sanity scratched out by fears.

If I call your name, baby, will you hear?

Why did you leave me here?

 

Somebody strap me to a stretcher,

Whisper to me that you’ll make it better.

Pump me full of mind-numbing bliss,

Close my eyes & give me one last kiss.

 

I’m dying inside,

No matter how much I try to hide.

I know you can see the decay in my eyes.

You’ll keep away if you’re wise.

 

I can’t see straight,

I’ve been blinded by hate,

I scream at you to wait,

Baby, it wasn’t too late…

 

Are you having fun?
Are you with someone?
I don’t care, what’s done is done,

And so am I. I’m done!

 

Somebody strap me to a stretcher,

Whisper to me that you’ll make it better.

Pump me full of mind-numbing bliss,

Close my eyes & give me one last kiss.

Reviews

[Irfan Shah]

I like it a very much. The way you expressed a painful set of feelings in a way which is kind of (what I would call as) 'light-hearted' manner is good and suits the poem well. Somewhere around the middle, the poem took a bit of a different twist; I won't say its not good but mentioning it just to let you know in case you did not notice it and in case that is not what your goal was.
The urgency and the rhyming was nice and I believe it could be easily made into a great song.
All the best! And thanks for sharing the piece with us.

[MarchAprilMayJuneJuly]

i know someone who would enjoy this.. it would make them feel better...well, it made ME feel a little better. it's nice to know that i'm not alone!

i'm dying inside
no matter how much i try to hide
i know you can see the decay in my eyes
you'll keep away if you're wise

that was one of the most powerful parts for me...

~may

[The realest]

yes the repetition of the stanza delivers the poem the constant flow brings a sense of urgency to the poem.
like calling 911 you can feel the adrenalin great job

[Jason]

Great job Liz! I love the structure and the double-entendre.
~jason