Suicide

Back to the darker, sorry for me poetry.

She lies with her eyes facing Heaven,

Although she know her soul's in Hell.

She fades as her existence dies slowly

How much longer? Only time will tell.

 

Her soul is bleeding, slashed and sliced,

A pool of tears to flood the night

Crawling deeper in a hole of lost goodbyes

Paling face of choking smiles, stolen lies.

 

The voices all around her head are begging her to bleed

The freedom of forgetfulness, the pain that we all need.

How much more is there to take?

How much longer until her soul breaks?

 

She lies with her eyes facing Heaven.

The final drop drained from her life.

Her mission is accomplished,

The barren mother and unwed wife.

 

Author's Note

It isn't metered very well, but apart from that...you know the drill. =D

Reviews

[Gary H]

As you are suggesting an overall reaction, I thought it was dark and left the reader thinking about the aim of the author. Whether this was a revelation of hidden feelings or to see how we reacted when confronted by suicide, these are questions that I have after reaching the end.

I have to add that this would be darker still without so many lines rhyming. This tends to take the edge away from the images. That is just personal taste though.

[Carolina Kel]

I love the concept of lying on your back, staring at heaven while you're pulled into hell. It's interesting!

[Krista]

I don't know what to say really. This really touched me. Makes me think about your intent with the writing honestly.

[world war jessica <3]

"How much more is there to take?"

i find in poetry one sentence steals my focus usualy. i think anyone who has ever been down "in the hole" can read this sentence and relate to the feeling. the "what else" moment. so bravo i liked

[Georgia Gypsy]

Very dark and morbid in an awsome way. So descriptive I really love it! The meter was fine, Well done!

[Ama May Cooper]

This is more my kind of stuff. I loved it painfully depicted with almost empty words like the soul in writing had lost the emotion needed to tell the tale
amazing write

[Fairy Tales]

beautifully written, sad and beautiful....now thats a new one!

[Lexie]

oh wow this is some powerful stuff. I really like it, have true poetic talent.

[Raging Flames]

Totally awesome and very visual. I was hoping for "a pool of blood" but tears will do too. :D

I have to read more of you. Keep on writing! :D

[R J Askew]

I can't make my mind up whether I prefer the third or the fourth verse best. I didn't worry much about the technical side of it as I was taken with the content. The word 'Suicide' is a very potent one. Checking again, I think the first line of the third verse is the best because it captures the way these things often are I believe. The next line ...'the pain that we all need'... could be the subject of long debate. I can see both sides of the argument.