Suicide

Back to the darker, sorry for me poetry.

She lies with her eyes facing Heaven,

Although she know her soul's in Hell.

She fades as her existence dies slowly

How much longer? Only time will tell.

 

Her soul is bleeding, slashed and sliced,

A pool of tears to flood the night

Crawling deeper in a hole of lost goodbyes

Paling face of choking smiles, stolen lies.

 

The voices all around her head are begging her to bleed

The freedom of forgetfulness, the pain that we all need.

How much more is there to take?

How much longer until her soul breaks?

 

She lies with her eyes facing Heaven.

The final drop drained from her life.

Her mission is accomplished,

The barren mother and unwed wife.

 

Author's Note

It isn't metered very well, but apart from that...you know the drill. =D

Reviews

[Gary H]

As you are suggesting an overall reaction, I thought it was dark and left the reader thinking about the aim of the author. Whether this was a revelation of hidden feelings or to see how we reacted when confronted by suicide, these are questions that I have after reaching the end.

I have to add that this would be darker still without so many lines rhyming. This tends to take the edge away from the images. That is just personal taste though.

[vamplit]

I love the last stanza and although you pointed out the meter I did think if you'd stuck to the abab rhyming structure it might have improved the poem. However that being said I thought it beautifully dark.

[angry_pandit]

i really liked the start, i think you should try and continue the flow, real strong imagery on the whole.