I made the biggest decision of my life today. By the time you receive this it will be too late for you to intervene and change my fate. Will my actions effect you? I am highly confident that they will. You will wonder why I made the choice I made. First, let me say that all I have ever known is failure. Wither you meant to or not, you caused what I know to be my greatest failure. You choose him over me, and I can not live with that. No! I gave you everything, and for what? I guess in someway I do owe you for one thing, you did saved me. I almost vanished years ago, but you took me and gave me the will to fight on. However, this time you will not be able to use your charm to be my savior again.
I have several questions, but I will not bother you with them. As you read this, I want you to know that my decision was my only way out. I could not live with your choice. I was crushed! My friends and some of my family knew I had changed. However, it amazed me that you did not see the change in me. I was no longer the same Kyle! You continued on with your life and I guess you had no clue how bad your actions affected me. Every day I lived with the thought of you and him and I wondered what I did wrong. Many sleepless nights I spent lying in bed trying to figure out what I did that made you finally choose him over me. The failure ate at my insides like the most deadly of cancers. Pain was all I knew after that fateful day when I was informed me of your decision.
Now, it is my turn to get even. It is now time for me to cause you great pain. Even though you choose him I am sure you love me, just not as much as him, I guess. I know I mean a lot to you, and now I am gone. No longer will I be in your life. However, I feel my memory will live on inside you. Every night when you lay down to sleep it will eat at you. The last memories you have of me will be the most haunting. The pain will tear you apart! I wish I could leave without causing you pain, but there is no other way. I only speak the truth when I say that you will endure great sorrow at my expense.
You may wonder why I am doing this. The old me would never inflict such pain on you, but I am not the same. There is no other way out, and so this is how it has to end my beloved friend. You took my heart, my soul, my conscience.... and crushed it! I am nothing now! I have nothing, so I shall end my life with nothing.
The other night, I had a dream of how it would end. Voices told me this would be the only way to escape from the cancerous pain. They assured me that the end would come quick if I ventured to the forest on this night. I am taking their advice and embarking on my final journey. Never again will you see me. You shall no longer have the chance to share with me your deepest thoughts and ambitions. No longer will I be there for you when life spears you to the ground. You will no longer be able to run to me for help, for I shall be gone.
***, you must know that you mean everything to me. When I heard of your choice, that was the day that I lost everything. Deep down, I do not want to hurt you but I want to escape. My escape will bring you pain. Had you made a different choice, then this ending would not have came to premeditation. I wish you the best of life with him. Somehow, I have the feeling that in death I will still be around. Maybe, I'll be able to watch over you. Do not do anything stupid, like I did. Will I regret this decision? I think I will but it is easier for both of us for it to end this way. Remember, I love you.
Your Friend in Life,
Kyle
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