Daniel Wade

Just trying to see if this character is working from a reader's perspective. Would Love some input. Thanks!

Daniel leaped down from the platform just as the train began to pull back out of the station. He rolled in the gravel on the edge of the track and came up with a cat like grace. He brushed the dry hay off of his leather jacket. His mouth turned up in distaste as he thought about the last miserable days curled up in the dirty hay trying to keep warm as the train stirred up a cutting wind. The car had been the cleanest one he could find. Three hobos had been using it as their house until Daniel whipped his sword off his back. By the end they had been begging for their worthless lives as he booted them out the door. Daniel didn’t feel that bad though; the train hadn’t been going that fast.

Shrugging his collar up Daniel moved stealthily into the darkened train yard. Mountains of shipping crates were pilled all around making it look like a deserted city in the cloudless night. The moon shadows cast between the mountains made perfect cover for a young man who needed to move unseen. His slim form darted between the mountains occasionally passing by a bum scavenging through the garbage bins. No one saw him. He liked it that way. He was better than everyone and in the night, his element, this was apparent. Even the guard dogs chained to the gate house didn’t raise their muzzles as he ghosted past them and over the stone wall that ringed the yard.

He landed silently on the other side in what the west coast called a city. It was no match for the shining metropolises of the east he was so familiar with, but it was something. Better than what he had had in the last months. More stable than wandering across the country with no home, diminishing money, and no family. These crumbling decaying buildings were the edge of the slums, the old Victorian district. The grimy little town the city had once been was known for its preserved Victorian architecture, but now it had left that behind for a bigger and brighter future. It didn’t seem possible to Daniel, but the slums were even less attractive than the rough organization of the train yard.  He surveyed the shambling two and three story buildings nearby from the safety of the shadows under the wall. Nothing in the night stirred except for the sea which could be heard crashing against the rocky shore off in the distance. The tail end of a storm was hanging over the city.

Reaching into his dark stained jeans he pulled out a yellow piece of paper torn from an address book. He unfolded it carefully like it was his last ticket into heaven; maybe it was. A rough circle in sharpie marked one of the addresses as his goal. He had a paranoid urge to burn the paper now that he had memorized the address. Following his highly sharpened instincts he gave in pulling out his hand calligraphed lighter. He watched as the flames burned to the tips of his leather clad fingers. Before it could get at the leather he tossed it into the night and started making his way across the street as it was tossed by the wind and went out. Soon he was just another shadow moving through the slums. Behind him a man in black moved out of a deeply shadowed alcove on the second story of a nearby building his bloodshot eyes pinned on the ally where the kid had gone with his shiny new lighter.

 He hadn’t been able to make out more than the lighter, but times were hard and Teddy figured a new lighter would make his life a little more enjoyable. He scratched his patchy beard growth and thought it over. The gun in his hand was very cold the metal revolver grip like ice in the chill night. He wore an old pair of sweatpants and a ragged sweatshirt to keep the cold out. He didn’t have a job; he didn’t have the schooling for much worth anything in this city. He would kill himself before stooping to take charity. He worked for his meals and no Salvation Army worker was going to pour soup and pity into his bowl. He had a family to feed and that lighter could go for quite a bit of money. The big harry man was light on his feet and made little sound as he stalked down the alleyway. 

Author's Note

What do you think of this as a start to a chapter? Any big issues? Tiny issues? Questions? Concerns? Would love to hear them!

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

looks like it could be stretched out into a full story. the imagery really gives the night total darkness and images of shanties in a railway yard. sounds like a post-apocalyptic era. there is a gritty-ness about the character which could be fleshed out after the ending of this is made evident. i really enjoyed it.

[Cupofwords]

Looks great! Keep going! Seems like that guy with the gun is going to meet up with Wade's sword.