Guilt

A tragic feeling that consumes us when were too late or too early with no interest. I wrote this after my uncle killed himself. I wrote this for my aunt who was his only sister, his wife and child.

Guilt

By: Alisha Miller

 

          I could’ve saved him! My only brother! I could have saved him but I did nothing! Absolutely NOTHING! Now…         now it’s too late. My brother, my twin, my other half, is dead and gone. He killed himself.

My brother’s name was Joshua. I loved him dearly. We did everything together! We are �" were twins after all. I should’ve seen the signs. His weird behavior, staring at the kitchen knives, the bruises on his face, and the fact he was suddenly wearing long sleeves all the time…   but I chose to ignore it all because he told me he was going through a phase…   I should’ve known he was lying to me. Me! His only sister; the one who shared secrets and promises with him every day.

          I know now that Joshua was a victim. He was being harassed and bullied at school almost every day. My poor twin was thrown aside, pushed down stairs, and even punched! But I was naïve and arrogant…   I didn’t bother to notice any of it. Until it was too late. I should have been there for him even when he didn’t need me or tried to push me away. But no…       I let him die by his own hands. All because I couldn’t see his suffering for what it truly was. I am so ashamed…

          His funeral is next week…     the morgue is having a hard time cleaning and disguising his slit wrists and throat…               I saw him that day. Hanging from the ceiling fan a barbed wire noose around his neck while blood dripped from his split wrists and mangled throat. I still don’t know how he did it. I screamed for help already knowing it was too late to save him.

          It’s all my fault too. I had the opportunity and I ignored it. Now I’ll never see him again; tell him I love him, see cool movies with him, or hear his voice. I won’t ever hear him snore in that annoying way that I’ll cherish forever. It’s never the bad times you miss it’s always the little things. I’m so sorry…         I’m so sorry…      I’m so sorry…          Don’t worry, I’m coming. You won’t be alone anymore. I’m coming Joshua… I love you.