Strange places and sunken faces

I stand on a street corner. It is near dusk. My first day in New York city. Mother is inside trying to find a job. I am happy full of hope. I am six years old.Brother is clenching my hand his fingers digging deep into my palm. It hurts. I pretend not to notice the tears in his eyes. I am not so happy anymore. Mother comes out she says that a lady with kids can't get a job. I nod pretending to understand. Brother nods to not pretending.
Weeks pass, mother still can't find a job. The car feels cramped but mothers says shelters are dangerous. One day in a fit of despair mother goes to a phone booth she calls long distance to Berlin. She talks for a long time in a hushed voice with, Wolfgang, brothers father. She hangs up and walks us to a p.o box place. She rents number 415 and tells us to come here everyday to check for plane tickets to Berlin . I cry on a bench I feel unwanted, brother try's to soothe me. He tells me that Germany has good sausages and folk music. I ask about Wolfgang, he can not remember he was only four when mother and him came to the U.S.
A few days pass. The tickets come. Mother takes us to a halfway house to spend the night. The name fits it right. Mother tells us stories about growing up in Missisipi and getting a scholarship to study in Germany. She says Wolfgang is a good man. I sleep close to her that night.
We go to the airport, the next day. Mother hugs us both goodbye her mascara is running from the tears in her eyes. We board the plane. The ride is boring so I study the other people. Everyone is with someone, their are families and couples. I feel sad for a moment then I look over at brother snoring loudly, and remember I still have him.
We arrive in Berlin and meet Wolfgang we live with him for 4 years. He is nice enough but rarely ever home. I am shy at school and brother gets into fights. When he does the housekeeper beats him with a broom but it doesn't hurt him much.
My friends never come over , they are scared of the housekeeper. Brother tries to make me feel better, he is mean to everyone but me. He starts getting in more fights and drinking. Wolfgang becomes fed up he sends us back to mother.
Mother still lives in new york with her boyfriend, Cole. She has changed though she smiles less and her words are harsher. We live in Coles apartment , Mother still has no job. Neither does Cole he is mean and his face is crumbled like a freshly baked cookie. After a while , Mothers starts to crumble to. Brother says it's because their both doing crack. Brother gets involved in gangs and holds up 7/11 he rarely comes to school or home
When he does come home, Cole beats him unconscious, saying it's for his own good. But I know it isn't. Mother never stops Cole to stoned or to scared. With brother next to never home Cole starts hurting me he touches me all over drugs me and takes my virginity, at 12.
I stop coming home to , I go to my only friend Jess's home her mother is a writer but asks few questions, happy that I'm in her home and not a gang.
Brother finds out about Cole raping me he goes to the apartment. I'm just coming home from Jess's I beg brother not to open the door. But he does and with a single gunshot, brother is dead. I cant, cry I can't move. And then I can, Cole has dropped the gun I pick it up ant push the trigger. He is dead. Mother comes out of the bedroom stoned, she yells nonsense and drags her yellowed fingernails down my skin. With blood dripping down my cheek I go to the phone and call 911. I explain what happened. The police come and the ambulances. I'm led into a car and mother another. They ask if I have relatives or family friends. I tell about Wolfgang. He flies from Berlin. Those days are a blur. I Learn that Cole is alive but is getting 50 to life for drug dealing, child abuse, and manslaughter. Brother is dead. Mother is witnessing but is also getting 4 years for drug possession and child abuse.
The case drags on for a year. I finally get a pardon on the action of self defense and Wolfgang becomes my legal guardian. I visit mother in Jail she is going through counseling and apologizes profusely telling me about how she had no money and the car had been towed and then he asked if she needed somewhere to stay he started drugging her and she became addicted so couldn't leave. I say I understand. Not a day goes by when I don't miss brother but time goes on. I live with Wolfgang and his fiancée in Manhattan and I'm being home schooled. My only friend is still Jess but with a friend like her who needs anyone else.
I wake up in the middle of the night screaming or don't sleep at all but at least I know deep inside I'm safe. But why wont the pain go away?

Author's Note

Enjoy have a good life much love.