Therapy for a Friend 4/8/21

Conversations with a friend

My wife. 
you ask what part I miss the most?
damnit man. 

I miss the moment before

hearing that our relationship isn't going to work

honestly 

I realized at that moment
that every memory with her will always be the best part of my life
and I was the problem all along
I mean it
sure did she have some habits that got on my nerves
but in the end of it all
I slept with a grave monster on my chest every night

I cannot even understand the trauma that put on her
to never know who she was going to wake up next to every day
most of the times
hell even I didn't know who I was in the morning

and that does too much to someone

It's hard to go back and find the version of me that made it safe for her to take that next step with me
God help me...
and she'd continue to try to tell me
and I didn't care. 

I really didn't. 

because I was a selfish son of a b***h 
not compassionate at all 
without excuse besides I don't feel like it. 
I never took the steps seriously to get better
not just for us 
but my own damned self. 
I was so over the top about everything
couldn't focus on anything but my own self destruction 
all the while, I was stealing away all the comfort she needed for her own piece of mind
yeah.
what do I miss the most...
every moment that  I had that I could've been a better person
a better friend
a loving husband
I miss not knowing what pain and heartache feels like
when the one person who embodied unconditional love
has to walk away 
and we have to heal. 

for everything I've done
it hurts so bad. 
it just hurts so bad. 

Reviews

[mattavelli]

Hello, Queen! :)
From the moment I read , "damnit man" , this poem took on the voice of dr. mcCoy from Star Trek, and as I read on, I saw the issues and such, but there was this constant tug at my mind to insert the phrase, "I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker".i really think I screwed this one up. Thanks for sharing.