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I feel so empty like there's nothing left inside of me, my heart is broken and I await the day that it finally beats. eleven years seems like three decades to me.  I've spent so long in search of peace wondering why I was never able to say good bye, mom I've hated you for half my life. I know you understand this empty feeling I have way deep down in side so why aren't you here to hold me when I cry. you'll never see me graduate or even marry the man of my dreams mom to be honest you were never there for me. I'll never forget that day looking in that casket your long black hair perfectly shaping your face, that little black dress full of your favorite flower the red rose and that's when I screamed NO. Denial was all I could think I wanted my mother this had to be a dream. For years I struggled to believe you were gone and all I have to talk to is a grave stone. Am I wrong for what I use to believe grateful you were dead