How'd we get here?

I thought everything was great with us, at least fine. Stressed maybe with everything that's going on but it would pass. I guess I miss judged. I was still sort of lost inside my fairy tale ideas of this relationship, or I got too comfortable too fast. 

It hadn't been good or great or even fine in over a month apparently. In fast it was so horrible he had to go off and have online hookups with random girls. And not just a couple lots of them. Saying he was looking for the love of his life, wanting to f**k them, or hold them and never let go. The thing that bugs me the most though, is he never told me anything was wrong, and now I'm terrified of losing him for good. 

It feels like anything I do is gonna make him leave again. If I'm  not clingy enough, if I'm too clingy, if we don't have sex everyday now, or even just the slightest thing is gonna make him run off and go to them. 

I've decided I'm gonna try and be different. Got my nails done. Going blonde. Gonna were make up more often, and skirts. Shirts that make me look like I have b***s cause I don't really. Hoping that will keep his attention for now. At least till I can forget all of this. 

Most of the day I just wanna break out crying though. I haven't felt right since it happened. He broke my heart. But I was willing to forgive him. I need it to heal. He didn't leave. He didn't do anything more that online. He just hurt me like every other guy. I thought he was the ONE guy in the world that wouldn't hurt me. I don't think that's possible anymore. Someone not hurting you. I guess the trick is finding someone that you're willing to go threw the hurt because losing them would be worse. Having them out of your life is so painful anything they do couldn't possibly as horrible as if they weren't there at all. Did I find that in him? I hope so. 

And now as I'm sitting here typing the things I can't say or show out loud while listening to him snore in the background I'm wondering. How did we get here? How'd we get this far lost from our fairy tale?