A life Lived

this poem is based on the characters of the novel "All the Light We Cannot See" By Anthony Doerr A Eulogy from a daughter to her father,

As I look back over time,

Memories come fading in

I feel you guiding me

Away from the darkness when I got blind

I feel you waking up before dawn, holding my arms as I dress up.

I can hear the sound of your jiggling keys as we walk down to the museum

I recall you testing me, quizzing me

Teaching me Braille

I can still smell the coffees we had, thick with sugar

You said I am your wonder, your love

That you will never leave me in a million years.

 

I remember the puzzle boxes you made for my birthdays

I can still taste the treats in my mouth,

How you tried to create a difficult one every year,

And how I beat you every time.

I can hear your beautiful laugh,

The paramount of the day

I can feel the model of Paris under my fingertips

The smell of dried glue and sawdust in my nose

I can hear you telling me “you can do this Marie”

 

I remember the first time I led you back home on my own

The feel of your arms lifting me up, swinging me around

Even if I couldn’t see, I felt your joy in my heart

Your love, laugh pure and contagious

 

I remember missing the colors in life, the world around me black

Father, you radiated a thousand to me, opal, strawberry red, deep russet, wild green

You were the dye in my darkness

Around the world in eighty days was the first book you gave me on my birthday,

with a chocolate in a puzzle of course

 

the rumors started

“the sea of flames”

I remember you telling me not to believe in stories

The diamond or the curse

I remember you telling me “I will never leave you in a million years”

 

I remember leaving our home, I was so scared,

But with you by my side, I knew I had nothing to be afraid of

I remember asking you questions, and you answering each one patiently

I remember you carrying me when I was tired to walk,

When you were tired to walk

The smell of cigarettes, the sound of airplanes tearing the sky

I still remember you calling me “brave”

Telling me that you’ll never leave me in a million years

 

My last memories of you are in Saint-malo,4 rue Vauborel

You made a model for me

Made me independent, preparing me for the worst

But still giving hope

I can still hear your voice, telling me that you won’t be gone long,

A week at most

But the week turned into eternity

I remember waiting for you for days, never giving up hope, the hope you gave me

 

Finally, your letter came, I didn’t believe you, but I knew you wanted me too

Which is why I did

I hoped what you said was true

I hoped you were ok, in good health,

I hope you missed me and would come back home soon

Because I remembered you telling me “I would never leave you in a million years”

 

You broke your promise

I was hurt

I know life isn’t perfect

Nobody is

But father, you were to me

You helped me get through most difficult times

Even when you were not with me, you were in my mind

You gave me strength

You gave me purpose

You made me feel liberated

You made me a better person

So, thank you for being there for me

Being the best father in the world

I hope you are proud of me

Because I am proud of you

Of the person you were

This is for you father, 

For the life, you have lived