Brains A mess need help

Latest of my works please Help

Still not clear where I am
I never made me a plan
could you stay stay a laughter after
Broken down I can’t understand banter
Breathing down my neck
I cannot find the answer
Give myself to everything
Whatever’s leftover I give to my friends

What the f**k did I do to myself?
What the f**k have I become?
I make myself not want to feel
I make myself want to stand still
Like I fell under a spell
It’s like I slipped and fell
Drowned in a well went so deep
I should be thankful it’s hell

Give me the blood that I need to spill
I’m looking for a thrill
Give me the pill
This love is dumb but I feel it still
Now would you close my hand and take a knife
Would you close your eyes and take a life
What do you know about being used
Comes through the darkness