Walk a Mile in MY shoesA Story by Luna So for class, we had to do a report on what it would be like to be part of a group that's seen as "okay to bully", and we had to write what it's like, as if we are that person. Well, I'm in that group Matthew Shepard. Lawrence King. Tyler Clementi. Seth Walsh. Jamey Rodemeyer. What do these five names have in common? All of them were gay. Most of them were teens.. All of them are now deceased. Yes, Every single one of them. Matthew Wayne Shepard, born December 1st, 1976, Died October 12, 1998, was a student at the University of Wyoming was tortured and murdered near Laramie, Wyoming on October 6th and seventh, and died at the Poudre Valley Hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado, on October 12th from severe head injuries [1] It is known that the reason he was targeted, tortured and murdered was specifically because of his sexual orientation. A little after midnight on October sixth, 1998, Matthew Shepard met Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson for the first time at the Fireside Lounge in Laramie, and it was decided that the two boys would give Matthew a ride home. Instead of driving him home, however, they drove the car to a remote, rural area, then robbed, pistol-whipped and tortured Matthew before tying him to a fence and leaving him to die. He wasn't found until eighteen hours later by a man named Aaron Kreifels, a cyclist, who thought he was a scarecrow. Matthew was still alive, but in a coma, with fractures to the back of his head and in front of his right ear, he had severe brain-stem damage, which affected his body's ability to regulate heart rate, body temperature and other vital functions, he also had about a dozen small wounds around his head, face and neck. His injuries were too severe to operate, and he never regained consciousness. He remained on full life support until 12:53 a.m. on October 12th, 1998, where he was proncounced dead at Poudre Valley Hospital, Fort Collins Colorado. But that's just one guy, right? Well, what about Lawrence King? Larry King was born January 13th, 1993 and died February 13th, 2008, just one month after his 15th birthday. Lawrence King was a fifteen year old gay student of E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, California, when he was shot twice by another student, fourteen year old Brandon Mclerney and was kept on life support until he died two days later [2] Morning of February 12th, 2008, Brandon was witnessed repeatedly looking at Lawrence King during a class in a computer lab. At about 8:30 am, local time, Brandon shot Lawrence twice in the head using a .22-caliber revolver that he had withdrawn from his backpack. He then dropped the gun on the floor and walked from the classroom, to be caught by the police about seven minutes later, five blocks from the school campus. Lawrence King was moved to St. John's Regional Medical Sentence and was declared brain dead on February 13th, but was kept in life support for two days so that he could have his organs donated. Although the motive is officially unclear, it is known that a few days before the shooting, Lawrence had asked Brandon to be his Valentine in front of Brandon's friends, and when Brandon had endured teasing because of the incident, he told one of Lawrence's friends to say goodbye to him "because she would never see him again."[3] And they aren't the only ones who are now deceased because of bullying. On September 22nd, 2010, Tyler Clementi, an eighteen year old homosexual student at Rugers University in Piscataway, New Jersey, jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge due to his roommate Dharum Ravi video streaming Tyler kissing another man over the Internet without his knowledge. On September 19th, 2010, 13-year-old Seth Walsh was found by his mother Wendy, unconscious; he had tried to hang himself from a tree in his backyard. Even before Seth had come out as gay, family and friends say he was constantly picked on for his mannerisms and his style of dressing. After another apparent bullying incident, Seth had turned to suicide. He lingered on life support for more than a week. And finally, Jamey Rodemeyer, a fourteen year old boy from Williamsville, New York. According to Tracy and Tim Rodemeyer, Jamey had faced bullying in school for years, and things only intensified in middle school. Although the details have not been released, it has been confirmed that he committed suicide after the relentless bullying that started in his middle school, and continued on into his Freshman year of Highschool. "Students had been posting hate comments with gay references on his Formspring account, a website that allows anonymous posts. "JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!" one post said, according to local reports. Another read, "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!""[5] That's five boys. Five young, gay boys, that were killed or committed suicide, because of gay bashing. And there are many more. For some, it's too late. But for others.. Like me. I won't tell you my name, that is nothing you, or anyone needs to know, but I will tell you this. I'm a shy girl. Quiet, don't talk to many. Don't like many. I usually keep to myself, but that's because for years, I've been bullied. When most people were having their first kisses, or hanging out with their friends, I would sit alone in a corner. You see, I was one of the nerdy girls, and I got along better with adults more, than people my age. Likewise, I tended to stick with the girls more than boys. Boys scared me. I guess you could say I got my distrust of the male population from my father, who cheated on my mother and left us. Or maybe my mother's old boyfriend, who abused us. Either way, I didn't trust boys at all. Not only that, but I was clingy, and seemed to be obsessed with my friends. Maybe because I didn't make them easily. I was easily angered, sensitive, and would burst out crying at the slightest insult. I guess all of that made me an easy target. I was also highly violent, and although I was rarely caught, I would often beat up those that angered me too badly. They deserved it. Over the years, I grew a bit of a thicker skin -- living in Toronto does that to you -- and now, well.. I still cry easily, but I'd be DAMNED if I showed it. See, but that's the sad part of it. It seems that anger always brought tears, so often, if I get mad, I'm struggling against tears. It's a weakness of mine, but not one I can really help. But, like I said, I've started to become stronger. Guard myself. Attack those who try to get close. I mean, can you really blame me? I was a young girl, in my first years of Highschool, who wasn't like the others, didn't want sex, or drugs, or alcohol or all those "Goodies" that seem to come with being a teenager. Not only that, but I struggle against who I am. My aunt thought she was a lesbian until she met her husband, my mother's father is gay, I know that if I fully accepted myself, I'd be accepted by my family but.. do I really? I mean, I'm bi curious, although I'm starting to just drop the curious part and to think of myself as Bi, but I'm too afraid. Too afraid to come out, and too afraid to accept who I am. I guess it's because three years ago I was a homophobic preppy girl who was in band and who's best friend was bi, and I viewed it as a problem. Something that could be fixed. And although I know that that is COMPLETELY wrong, but it was a part of who I was for so long, and sometimes I can't help thoughts like those. Luckily, they are far and few in between, but it's times like those that I fear who I am. Because really, who am I? A struggling teen, who's faced bullying before? A teen that's contemplated suicide before? A teen that, well, my life's only just begun. Every so often I've caught myself thinking "Oh she's adorable!" and caught myself wondering what it would be like to kiss someone of my own sex. Of dating someone of my own sex. And although part of me is secretly thrilled at the idea, and would love the idea, another part of me fears it. Fears what I would feel. Fears that I would get shot down. And fears that my big secret will get out, and that it'll start all over again. Because I don't want to be bullied again. I don't want to contemplate cutting again (although, I've never been able to draw blood. Afraid of the pain, and squeamish), but most of all, I fear that what happened to Matt Shepard, Lawrence King, Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Jamey Rodemeyer and all those other boys and girls who were killed or committed suicide because of bullying, will happen to me. I'm just so afraid. You just don't know what it's like until you've walked a mile in my shoes.
© 2011 LunaAuthor's Note
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