What You Have Become

I spent some time at a bar, and as always the ever present bacchanalia has left me more empty than sated.

Skin and perfume
Intoxicating to the senses
Yet no more than hollow promise

An exhibition of flesh and furtive glances
Leaves you less than tangible
And the alcohol flows over desensitized souls

What have you become?

My dear there is little more
than simple equations
left of you to figure

And the world spins
Despite your indiscretions
And false Pageantry

Who have you become?

My dear your tangibility
Has made you ephemeral
And my soul wants for more

Than what you have become

Reviews

[Tom]

The deconstruction of artifice in this is fantastic, it brought a wry smile to my face as I imagined this as a riposte to some vacant minded, make-up trowel wielding, small town socialite. There is a wonderful journey of truthful discovery as he questions her, with a sense he is also questioning himself, until realisation is found and we as the reader feel relief for him in what feels like his amusement. I've lived it and this made it all the more enjoyable.

[Kenneth Compton]

Thanks for your insightful review, basically you got it right on the money. I saw it as sort of an epiphany, there she was, this girl I had chosen as an object of affection, then I step back, and see that, as they say in writing, there's not THERE there. Thanks again for the awesome review Tom!

[Angel's Lady]

Oooh, good one! I would pick a line that I like the best, but I like each one of them the best...Wow. Great job, as I read it a third time. I may have to go back and see if you have more poetry up your sleeve as I can only recall reading your stories before. Nicely done, Ken.

[Deandra Dawn]

I love this....nicely written