Bash Me Again, Hurt Me Once More

I'm in a small town where lies and secrets spread fast. A poem about how I felt when I had to be the one lied to.

Bash me again, hurt me once more
Lie to me, pretend you're someone I adore.

Do you think we're in the city?
Nobody will hear?
The secret you let out won't spread instantly, my dear?

You're making me mad.
Pretending you did nothing wrong;
So basically I have to hear it from somebody else; I'm not strong.
Don't you know my soul is now left to rot?
Everything you've done leaving me to scream; and I've thought.

Thinking you were trust worthy?
Hah, good one.
I should have kept to the one person I knew; she isn't dumb.
Now i've got to deal with more; consider yourself shunned.

Confused I am; what do I do?
Fake you are; you will not be the one to help me through. 

Author's Note

First thing ever posted on here :)
I'm a noob; so I don't really know what i'm doing! Bare with me and feedback is always appriciated.

Reviews

[Chris T.]

First, welcome to the site! Always cool to see new people sign up.
Second, reviews tend to be pure pleasantries on this site, more often that giving positive criticism. I do not believe we can become better writers if everyone always says,"Yay! Good Job!" so I will not be saying it, even if I think it.

I would like you to consider the rhyme scheme for this piece. It seems like this is a situation that could really piss a person off, and I think the rhyming has bound your hands in expressing this. Lines such as "my dear", "i'm not strong", and "and I've thought" just seem tacked on, while others such as "consider yourself shunned" make me think you were trying so hard to find a word that rhymed you may not have said what you wanted.

So yes, my bit of advice is this: express yourself with the writing. Don't let a rhyme scheme, a layout, or any other sort of structure inhibit the end goal. I see glimpses of you letting yourself go and just telling us how you feel with the first two lines, or the "thinking you were trustworthy? Hah, good one". I absolutely loved those moments. Give us more rawness!

Welcome to the site again :D

[just a touch of bitters..]

Well written - I can definitely feel your frustration and irritation. I've always enjoyed poems where the poet directs their words at someone in particular and this is no exception.

Well done! :)

[Jen Marks]

Well done. I can see where you're coming from.
I like your setup; how you're actually talking to the person that hurt you.
Nice layout, and strong words. Keep writing! :)

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♥Jen Marks

[Carron]

Hey, well written for your fist time. have fun here.
Well done!

[.nicole.]

i really loved this, i totally undersand everything... it reminds me of some of my work... but its better