personal

there's this one person that i know, this one girl, who just makes me so complete. i feel like, when i think about her, the idea or essence or memory of her just splashes into the chasms of the constant empty voids that burrow between my organs and the stray drops bounce off my ribs so they vibrate melodically. she's been my infatuation, my role model, my sister, my friend. my best friend. she's taken me to and beyond the limits that i'd always wanted to cross. she's shown me so many different ways of seeing things. she's listened to me more than anyone's ever bothered to before and she made me feel safe enough to open my mouth in the first place. we've walked miles home together when we were both so drunk we couldn't breathe right. i've held her hand for hours, staring at the ceiling because we liked the way it moved. she's brought out the best sides in me and she's the only one who can. we've gone on so many adventures and shared so many stories and experimented with our hair and when i'm with her i'm not self conscious because she doesn't give a f**k. she's beautiful and dirty and magical. her drawings make my eyes expand but they'll never see what she sees. she's talented. there are scars on her arms and scars on her legs and chest and hands and scars on her hips. she is so broken but i've never known anyone stronger than her. i look at her and i have no idea what i'm seeing. i know the feel of her skin and i know what she smells like and i know that it's impossible to brush her hair. i know how high she is when she laughs and when she's being quiet because it hurts too much to move. her eyes are big and she doesn't always brush her teeth and she doesn't know how to talk to people but neither do i so i can't help thinking we're perfect for each other. she's told me so much and i know there's still so much i have to learn. everything around me reminds me of her. she's my friend and i've been watching her fade and ignite and get snuffed out again. she's been falling away from me because she's falling away from everything. she's tired and cracked and bruised all over. too many people have hurt her, so many people have tried to vanquish the light that shines from her, and it's so easy to tell that she's already far too dead for someone so young. but i've seen her alive, too, and it's the loveliest thing i've ever seen and with her is my favorite place to be. 

i left her last month when i moved to another state. neither of us really had any other friends besides each other. the day that i left, the last time i saw her, i didn't hug her goodbye. i just waved and turned. i miss her. i love her. she's my best friend. i miss her.