Doubts

Doubts

 

M.H. Bones

 

I think I found her

 

The girl of my dreams

 

I feel so happy

 

She accepts the role I play

 

The ideal companion who read her mind

 

But is that really who I am?

 

She’s seen my highs, but not my lows

 

Could she really accept me?

 

Could anyone accept the mess I am?

 

I’m terrified

 

I lie awake every night

 

Wondering what will become of her and I

 

I worry for her ten times more

 

I’d rather die than break her heart

 

Tear all the veins out from my skin

 

Rip out my silver tongue

 

Or bash my head in till it cracks

 

As the sweet release of death atones my sins

 

I’ve ripped off her glowing angel wings

 

The only place to crash is in my arms

 

She’s latched on like a sucking leech

 

One that I grabbed from the pond and shoved onto my skin

 

Now it needs the life it draws

 

Or it may wither and die

 

Are we parasitic or symbiotic?

 

I can’t help but think I’m being used

 

To fill voids long vacant and dark

 

I feel her training me

 

Using me

 

Breaking me

 

But it’s what I want

 

Right?

 

I should be overcome with joy

 

But uncertainty fills me

 

She means so much to me

 

More than anyone in the world

 

Already

 

I feel a deep connection

 

We will share sweet dreams forever?

 

Or will I drag her to my nightmare realm

 

Lost forever

 

Just like me

Author's Note

A poem I wrote about her in secret long ago. In the end, her doubts came out and she left. I had a feeling all along. I'm glad I found this hidden in my works, because I guess I had doubts too.