My Re-occuring Nightmare...

This is a true story that I have only told a few. I'm trying to get over it so I thought I'd share it with strangers?

It's hard to believe how much I've been through, but nothing comes close to that day...

...He was funny to me, acted like he cared. We'd go into the woods near our houses to build a den that brought joy to my eyes. I love the outdoors, hiking camping even just to sit outside and look up to the sky. I had thought he was handsome, tall dark hair and a broad build. He seemed enchanting to me.I should have seen the signs, those dreadful horrific signals.

It was a weekend that it should have been clear to me. He started going on about how these girls, that were 2 to 3 years younger then him, were "hot" and "had good builds". The day after we played a game called 21 questions, but a different version. We'd take turns to ask questions. His questions would get more and more sexual, and my questions were just normal, besides the "would you ever date someone like me?" question. But his answer wasn't what my naive self wanted. He answered with saying he'd rather date this girl who had an "incredible body". He started talking of a game called 'red light, green light'. I asked what the game was, he placed a finger on the inside of my leg and started sliding his finger up my thigh. I just stopped, I couldn't speak or move. I didn't like what he was doing. That night I was saved by my mum texed me to go home for dinner.

Stupidly enough I went with him the next day. That was the last day I ever spoke to him...

...We were making out, I was enjoying it then. Now I realise I made the largest mistake I've ever made. He kept saying that he "loved me" and that I was a "good kisser", oh God I should have seen those f**king signs. His hand went under my joggers and under my pants. I squeezed my legs shut, scared, I didnt want him to do anything. But he was stronger, he got through me legs and down and down and down. It hurt, so much, I couldn't make him stop, he wouldn't. He moved his hand and tried to remove my joggers so its "easier". I don't know how I managed but he was unable to get them off me. I couldn't move, I was scared I didn't know how to move. "Touch it", "put it in your mouth", "look how big I am". I can't lose the images or words, I just want them out of my head.

It started raining, pouring it down. That was my savour that day, that was the only good thing that happened that day. Making us despirse and go our own ways. I cried that night, and several more after that. The memory haunts me, ever since that day, its been my re-occuring nightmare since the summer of 2016...