A Willow of a Man

What do the willows say...

We lay and watch the heavens

-a wishing well of far-away stars.

It’s half past eleven,

-the world is wondering where we are.

 

Summer nights with fireflies,

-fallen wishes floating with the breeze.

A place away from hurt and lies,

-hidden behind the trees.

 

I tell you about my childhood,

-wandering these paths.

Far behind my family’s home,

-the moments that didn’t last.

 

You spy upon the willow tree,

-right behind my home.

“Why does it weep?” you ask.

It weeps because it’s alone.

 

Somewhere through the trees,

-its lover is locked away.

Forever lost, in roots of chains,

-behind winding lanes it stays.

 

You rise from your grassy bed,

-tears in your eyes.

“But why?” you said,

I shake my head,

not wishing you to cry.

 

“No one knows.” I whisper,

-my voice soft and low.

You turn to the branch,

-of this lonely weeping willow.

A widow amongst the forest,

-its branches singing in the wind,

a lonesome, quiet chorus,

-longing for a friend.

 

Your hand touches the branch,

-a canopy of arms,

swaying around its trunk

protecting its heart from harm.

The green of your dress,

-reminds me of the grass,

swaying in the wind,

saying I’m home at last.

 

“Why doesn’t she cry?”

 

I tell her then a secret,

-making her promise to keep it.

I deliver notes between the willows.

A secret nobody knows.

 

“But how does she write?”

 

I listen and she tells me,

-I say, pulling out a book.

You turn, you look,

-as if trying to hear,

all the things it’s saying.

Does it whisper your fears?

That like the willow,

-in age you’ll grow,

alone at the end of your years?

 

“She has so much to say,

-but she doesn’t know how to.”

I give you the pen and paper,

-saying you can save her.

The writing comes to you.

 

I say nothing as you write,

-scribbling its tears

scratching as you fight,

to make up for the years

of my absence.

I grew up too fast,

and have since missed

the missive that was meant

for me to have sent.

 

Thinking then, I know

-perhaps we are dreamers.

But writing that note,

-you and I become believers

in things the willows say.

That love can exist,

-even if its far away.

 

We take that precious note,

-spoke from the willow’s soul,

a missive of poetic secrets

written so we can keep it,

safe on our forest stroll.

 

Fireflies dance,

along that wooded trail

and I recall the tale

of Hansel and Gretel

wondering why

they ever left their home.

Because all too fast,

-the breadcrumbs crumble

they never last

and then you’re all alone.

 

We come upon the clearing,

-of the other willow weeping.

But it lays upon its back,

-forevermore its sleeping.

Its tangled roots,

they seek the moon,

as if reaching for its lover,

saying I’ll see you soon.

 

“He never got her note.”

You say, breathless.

Your fist shakes, restless.

The paper in your hand,

crumbled up,

alone.

I step forward and stumble,

over an upturned stone.

 

You drop the note,

-and quickly come to my side.

You realize the willow tree,

-uprooted and alone,

far away from home,

                      is truly me.

 

We take the note,

-clasped between our hands,

and dig a hole beneath the roots

of the willow that is a man.

We place the letter there,

-and bury it deep.

So the willow will know

-his lover’s words while he sleeps.

 

“What did she say?”

I asked, our hands still clasped.

You smile when you speak:

“I’m never far away,

no matter how far it seems

I’m with you always,

-in your heart and in your dreams.”

Author's Note

Based off a dream of mine I had last night. Let me know what you all think ^^ Again, acknowledgments go to Southern Cross, who, as always, was an immense help.

Reviews

[Southern Cross]

Reads like a lover's fairy tale. Immersed in imagery and so poetic. This is more a poetic short story to me and the flow just carried on like waves on a calm ocean. I agree with Kelsey. I don't understand how you write such quality pieces in such a short time.
"“I’m never far away,
no matter how far it seems
I’m with you always,
-in your heart and in your dreams.” This is such a beautiful ending..I'm a sucker for romance .

[MachinaWriter]

lol I have an amazing muse, she helps keep me inspired. Without her I'd probably be doing a haiku a week xD

[Southern Cross]

:)

[Sacha Davison]

That's a pretty cool dream indeed. I'm really tired and I should NOT be trying to review work at 5:30 am.

[MachinaWriter]

lol go to bed, man lol The work isn't going anywhere haha I'm an insomniac, I barely sleep ever. Other, normal people, need rest. Go get some sleep lol

[Sacha Davison]

Some nights I pass right out. Tonight is one of the nights that it is doubtful I will be asleep before the sun rises. Besides, I must read more of your work!

[MachinaWriter]

I know the feeling, man. I have trouble sleeping all the time. Here and there I sleep just fine, depending what's on my mind at that moment in time.

[Sacha Davison]

I can relate alot to that. I have reviewed and read as much as my mind is capable of right now. My Red Bull has long been worn out and it is 10 to 6 in the morning. I am putting a fair amount of effort in not collapsing as I write this and sleeping for the rest of my life! Have a good night/day/morning whichever applies to you!

[MachinaWriter]

lol you too, bro. get some rest.

[Rachel]

Great write. I loved it

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^

[Patrick]

Ok, I can say this because you know I enjoy your work and doubtless you have certain talents. This one I found harder to follow not because of it's length - that never worries me unless it's beyond ridiculous in length. It's more down to certain words in certain places that prevent the piece from running smoothly. I agree with DrD about mechanics..sometimes I wish I had given more thought to mine when i read back on them. So for this piece, because it incorporates a story and rhyme - a metre would be helpful as well, but then that takes more discipline when writing.

I wouldnt bother saying any of that if I didn't enjoy what I read...what I don't enjoy I usually stop reading and don't review. This is fulll of such much that is good and beautiful...because you have talent, you have a duty to perfect it.

[MachinaWriter]

I thank you for your honest review. I've been thinking about coming back and editing this poem later on, cutting it down a little. I understand what you mean by certain words in certain places. I don't feel that a metre is absolutely necessary, though, just because it uses rhyme. Especially in a story. Stories have rising and falling in tension and pacing. Even in writing prose, it rises and falls, described by a change in sentence structure and length. If a poem is to feel like a story, it must have the same rising and falling. Changing of pace and structure for certain parts. Unfortunately, I didn't do this correctly in many places of this poem, so I agree with you about the mechanics needing to be worked on. And some definite trimming. I don't think a set metre is wholly necessary. Now if only I could find that balance lol Perhaps when I get the time I can give this poem the time it deserves. Or with more practice in the technique I'm trying to accomplish. It definitely needs to be practiced. I thank you, for your wholly honest review, though. Its rare to find people who are willing to do that, and I need it, especially for poems like this. It was perhaps a step above what current skill level. I just hope with more practice I can come back and perfect what I was trying to accomplish lol

[MachinaWriter]

Without reviews like yours, I'd become content and never strive to improve. I need people like you, so again, I thank you for your honest review.

[Patrick]

Of course, a metre isn't necessary..at all...I see you point in that. I suppose, I would be interested to see what you could do in metre simply because you have a graceful way of describing matters. Remember, those who reader pieces of poetry,prose etc read them subjectively and under the conditioning of their mood and feelings. I could read this tomorrow and see much more to it that would make me forget the minor things. Sift the critiques and find the wheat...it's your bread to bake after all :)

[MachinaWriter]

A poetic piece of wisdom from a great poet ^^ Thank you. And again, I appreciate the honest review. Its the most valuable one I've received in a while, so I thank you for that. Like I said, I need people like you to read my stuff. It keeps me from being content. I hate being content with my work. It means my ego is getting in the way of me seeing how I can improve. And we can always improve. So thank you for that.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Nice inspiration... Dreams really help a lot... Now I'm thinking that you are an oracle..
I really like the way you write... There's an easy flow to it and you know how to captivate your readers...

I have so many favorite lines here... but here are some...
"We lay and watch the heavens
-a wishing well of far-away stars."
For me, the stars are the dreams of a couple, the well is the opportunity and the heaven is the world...

"A place away from hurt and lies,
-hidden behind the trees."
It's true that such place is really hidden...

"-the moments that didn’t last."
Life keeps going on!!! There are so many opportunities to explore...

"-its lover is locked away."
This reminds me of something about Greek mythology... Humans used to have 4 hands and 2 heads so Zeus split them apart making them live their lives looking for the other half...

"It weeps because it’s alone."
Virtual hugs!!! It's not alone anymore...

"That love can exist,
-even if its far away."
So true... I had watched many lovers come and go and there are only few with this kind of love...

“I’m never far away,
no matter how far it seems
I’m with you always,
-in your heart and in your dreams.”
This reminds me of Romeo and Juliet... A perfect ending...

This one is really beautiful...
And I really read it over and over again!!!
I have so many favorite lines here but I can't put all cause they remind me of so many things...
Nice poem...
Thumbs up!!!

[Meallea Pomorette]

I can't believe this is really long... And I still have so many favorite lines here... aaawww

[MachinaWriter]

lol I think the length of its scared a lot of people away, unfortunately. I sort of let these things end where they want to, though. I'm glad you took the time to go through it the way you did. Ha, an oracle! lol Sometimes I wonder...I don't feel like I write all my poetry. As if someone smarter or wiser writes it for me lol I know, it sounds silly, but its true. This one, though, was based off a dream. In the dream, I was back at the home I lived in as a child, down in the state of Georgia, in the US. We had two willow trees on my family's property, just like in this poem. In my dream, me and my muse were kids, wandering through the woods where we found the other willow tree, but it was uprooted. We built a treehouse around it, though lol The poem turned into its own thing when I started writing it, though, and I never object to where the poem wants to go. So, this poem was one part the inspiration of my muse, one part memory, one part dream, and one part the poem's own will.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Yes... The length really scared me too... But lengths don't matter it... What matters is the content..
You're really an oracle...

[Damien Davison]

I always enjoy reading your work. I'm amazed at how quickly you write these things, I can't seem to find the time lol. It flowed beautifully. You're someone to look up to. Good job!

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, man, that really means a lot. Yeah, I don't sleep lol Only reason I get the time to do this stuff. Plus, I've had a lot of inspiration lately, so I've been on a roll ^^ Glad you got to take the time to look at this.

[Amber Tasch]

I really like the flow of this. It has alot of feeling and rythm and is a very powerful piece. I'm not even a romance fan but this is very moving and touching to me^^ The imagery is so suberb and beautiful I can picutre the whole thing. I can honestly say that I loved this^^

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, that truly means a lot ^^ Feel free to take a look at any of my other poetry, if you get a chance.

[Amber Tasch]

of course I will!

[DrD]

The imagry within the tree representing human emotion is good and valid. I was a bit confused by the mechanics. The first five stanzas having four lines each and then the style abandoned into a more free-style form. It did not, however, detract from the theme of the writing and the word selection is very good. In short, it is an enjoyable read worth reading again.

[MachinaWriter]

Its something I've been struggling with. Its as if the beginning of all my poems is constrained as I attempt to "find" the poem, so they tend to have a more standard mechanic to them. Then, as I fall into the groove, it starts forming itself. I've been trying to work on that. Thank you for your concise review, its always good to hear these kinds of critiques, so I appreciate it.

[hudskw11]

The poignancy of young lovers and elder willows both ensure depth and quality of truth that can only be found in love. The quality written work, shows a part of you, deep inside, may have perhaps lived this out in some form or fashion. Well done! Truly a marvel of grace, and poise! One of your best yet!
My hope for you is that you live out what you have just written; live it out in life and love it even in death!

[Kelsey]

So beautifully written, my friend. You've been on a roll lately, with all this new poetry of yours. It's quite amazing that you keep so many quality pieces coming, all of them so beautiful in their own way. I really enjoyed the story this told, and, of course, the way it was. Wonderful job.

[MachinaWriter]

I've had a lot of inspiration lately ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. Its good to hear from you, its been a while lol

[Kelsey]

It certainly has. You were busy a while ago, and now I'm the busy one, lol. Good to hear from you as well, lovely.