Sound and Vision

This poem talks about the indecision, paralysis and frustration that comes from needing to make the right life decisions. Expectation, advice and judgement comes from all sides, including within.

Waiting for clarity

Waiting for purpose

Waiting for choice to ebb from half empty fingers

 

Looking forward

Looking back

Looking for life’s path whilst craving a map

 

Hearing everything

Hearing nothing

Hearing only the relentless march of the mortal clock

 

Waiting for dark

Waiting for light

Waiting for time to run out

Reviews

[TLK]

I started writing again a bit younger than you, Edward, but I still suspect we're in a similar boat (also, I am from the UK too. Maggie Thatcher eh?, etc. etc. Most disappointing thing about the country today: news about a bombing in Boston is overwhelming findings about how carers are underpaid -- when this is direct evidence that the whole 'punish the workshy' thing will only work if we address the issue of a living wage).

But, to the poem:
I think you should have confidence in the meaning you present in this poem and not give too much away in the description. This is because I generally find the reader getting it right or wrong in their own way is a wonderful surprise.

I read the poem first, and I still got a strong sense of a human figure lost amongst some featureless mental expanse. Someone who, introspective, interrogates their next step and is thwarted by the lack of care and attention to -- not exactly spiritual, but more 'whole-life' -- human issues such as this.

The repetition in threes is very effective: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_%28writing%29
It gives a tick-tock effect of time passing. The steadiness of your meter adds to it to make me aware of moments passing as I read. Your lack of punctuation leads me to take each line on its own, and choose the pause which suits me best.

The last line deserves particular note, as waiting for time to run out is an act of desperation which really ties everything together for me.
However, my favourite image is the "mortal clock". Not only does it reaffirm the central theme of our own life-time, it is as if time itself is ticking away its own existence.


Welcome to the 'site, and I hope to read more from you.

[char]

Indecisions plague everyone. There is so much to do and not enough time. How are we suppose to decide on which to pursue first? The second stanza is my favorite; especially the line: "Looking for life's path whilst craving a map."

[ChemicalMadness]

I understand (identify?) with the message here, and I'm a big fan of keeping things simple....from that perspective, you've hit the mark just fine here. But when you're being economical with your words, the burden is on you to make sure you choose the right ones, or you run the risk of coming off trite. I feel you could easily use this piece as a springboard for future work.

CM.

[Edward M.]

Hi ChemicalMadness - thanks for reading my poem and the positive words. Ed