The Gun

        The gun felt heavy and cold in Jude’s trembling hand. A cold salty sea-breeze wisped through his hair as he sat in the sand cross-legged with his heavy head hanging like some limp bag. He refused to look up; the world held no joy for him any longer. The gray clouds covering the sky reflected the emptiness in his soul. He mindlessly caressed the trigger of the small, heavy revolver. A brief glimpse of golden hair flashed in his mind. Jude slowly shook his head and ran his left hand through his tangled curls as he shut his eyes tightly.

 

         He tucked the gun into the right pocket of his black woolen trench coat and pulled out a cigarette. As he patted himself for a lighter, his thoughts drifted from the gun to his current state of being. What do I do? Tell me. No answer. Only the crashing of the black ocean waves. Jude cupped his hand around the lighter and flicked it, the small flame catching the end of his Marlboro. He took a long deep puff and exhaled, letting his head loll back down as he rubbed his eyes hard with the palms of his hands.

 

          The beach was empty except for him. Bits of damp seaweed speckled the beach like some disease slowly taking over. Jude grinned at the thought before his mind turned back to her. Yes, her. The reason he sat here. Oh he could see her now, in the arms of some other man; holding her tightly as he once did. A revolting pain shot straight through his heart and down his stomach. The urge to spew was almost overwhelming. Taking a deep drag, he held in the smoke and reached again into his pocket.

 

          God this can’t be really happening, he thought as he exhaled, it’s not real. Bright yellow hair again attacked his senses. Lord, he could almost smell her now; that sweet scent of vanilla and lavender. Jude reached into his pocket and felt the handle of the gun. That was real. He pulled it back out of his pocket as he flicked the half smoked cigarette. He opened the chamber and looked to the lone bullet inside. It stared back at him fiercely. He closed the chamber and looked up to the sunless sky. The dark gray clouds smothered everything. Spinning the chamber of the revolver, he snapped it shut. One bullet, one squeeze, and it would be over.

 

          Jude lifted the barrel and rested in his mouth. The metallic taste bit at his tongue. He slowly cocked the hammer back with his finger; his thumb trembled as he began to squeeze. Please forgive me.  He tightly closed his eyes.  Smooth, sharp features came, then firey golden hair.  Her smell filled his nostrils, soaking him.  She reached out her hand, so soft.......

The uncaring waves of the ocean swallowed the echo.