Late night shift 1.

The beginning

I am not a writer. I am a dr. Right now i am on my first nightshift out of 4 this week. My best friend suggested I should just let things out and consider it therapy. Tell my story. Stories. Write a book - lol. NO. A blog - maybe. But i start here. With my broken heart. Who knows where this takes me.
We all had our hearts broken. At least once. I know I did. But right now after 3 months almost, i am still hanging on the one that also probably taught me the lesson of my life. Did it? Probably not. Was it the mistake of my life? Probably yes. The love of my life? The only answer now is YES. The love of my life.
The suffering period is long gone. I can describe it as me crawling like an injured animal through the desert, the rainforest, the jungle, the north pole...just crawling without any hope left. But i got up on my feet... On my own. Like I grew from the pain. I still don't know what I learned out of this pain. Maybe I learned how to crawl. Hopefully I learned how to get up. I got up with the help of reading. Trying to find peace and love myself. I had my friends by my side, but I couldn't show them the real pain and situation. It would have been too embarrassing. So yes...after a few days i started reading. And loved myself more. And now i am way better. I eat again. I might even gain back the 6kgs i lost. I talk to other men. I try to flirt. I try to believe in myself again. But what do I do with the memories? What do i do with the feeling that I will never feel this type of love again? What if this was it for me? What if my love only lasted 3-4months? I want a love that lasts. I believe in love.
To be continued

Reviews

[Beautiful Intentions]

There was a moment when tears had swelled while reading this. How I have asked myself these very same questions... How we change, grow seemingly naturally, as we should, as what is expected of us, becoming stronger regardless if lessons have yet to be learned from our experiences. Getting better... We get better... In a way... Our chins tilted just a little higher than they were the day before. But then those moments come when thoughts run rampant, when we ask ourselves so many things and wonder, pray for an answer we fear may never come. "What if this was it for me?" Here, where I nearly cried... For not being a writer (which you have the talent and story to be), this was poetically delivered and utterly heartfelt. So honest. So pure. And I applaud you for reaching out. Thank you so much sharing this genuine piece.

[Mikayla Tyler]

Oh, my heart. In just a couple paragraphs you made me feel so many emotions - heartache, grief, loss, hope. Exquisite and piercing.