I Am Nothing More Than a Paper Airplan

At the age of 16, I was morbidly sad. It is very descriptive, as I attempt to show a nonfiction story that captures life to its fullest. This is a short story that displays a life as it was in my l

                    I Am Nothing More Than a Paper Airplane

 

     He was my best friend during high school. In fact, some of my most vivid and endearing memories of him occurred on my back porch where we commonly gathered. I would retire to this sanctuary after my parents went to bed, and on this particular night, the rain drizzled outside. I light a cigarette while I peered into the blackness of the night. I had begun to realize that the night’s blackness and my soul had merged together.

     It was summer, and although, it was hot, I had gotten used to the heat in Baton Rouge. Louisiana was all I knew- and I sat, the cigarette embers burning intensely with every breath I took. Grasshoppers chirped loudly, and you could hear the rain as it dripped upon the tree leaves.

     I loved the rain- the dark clouds that hovered above me- the cigarette smoke that just hung in the air. There was no breeze. I enjoyed sitting outside and hearing the rainfall- little beads of water that washed over everything.

    “Max!” a voice called out into the air. I looked towards the garage and Cody walked towards me, and, I was always glad to see him- But at that moment I was focused on the paper bag that was barely visible in the night- but I had a sixth sense for noticing these types of bags. He held it in his right hand as I attempted to imagine what was within.

    “What is in that bag?” I asked with curiosity- although, I was quite sure  I knew what was in it.

    “Well- hello to you too!” Cody said with a barely visible smile as it spread across his face. He continued, “You know smoking is going to kill you.”  

    “Jesus- that would be a shame,” I said nonchalantly.

    Cody took the cigarette from my hand and took a drag, as he sat down on the bench next to me.

    “What is in that damn bag!” I repeated.

    “A gift for you,” he said eyeing me with an amusing expression on his face. Cody was my best friend at this pivotal moment in my life, and I do not think I could have loved a person more. He stood by me, and I stood by him. We made an excellent team.

    “Show me what is in that God-Damn bag,” I repeated. 

    The cigarette cast an illuminating glow on Cody’s face as the embers desperately fought to be seen in the blackness. I looked at the bag and back up to his face, as I watched his brown eyes peer at me with interest. He took one last drag of the cigarette and handed it back to me.

    “You know the Surgeon General does not recommend smoking. Says so on the pack,” Cody said Coyly.

    “I’ll tell you what,” I said with growing annoyance. I was not annoyed at the question, but rather- I wanted to know what was in the bag he clutched in his hands. I continued, “If you can tell me who the hell the God Damn surgeon general is- I will stop smoking.” Cody gave a hearty laugh. Although Cody teased me about smoking, he was known to go through a pack or two ever so often.

    “That is a good question,” Cody said as he reflected on my comment. Finally, he said, “Well- they will still kill you- regardless of who the Surgeon General is.”

    “Great- I cannot wait! I am living a miserable life. My life is like a paper air plane.  No matter how many times you fold it- it is still a damn piece of paper. Point- regardless of what I do- I will always be a miserable person.”    

    “I did not come here to listen to listen to you gripe, and saturate yourself in pity,” Cody said with a grunt, and although his face was hidden in the bosom of the night- I knew he was smiling.

    “Well, I brought something to help you out.” He pulled out of the bag a bottle of Boons Farm. “It is your favorite flavor too- Strawberry.” He handed it to me, and I was glad it was pitch black- I did not want him to see my eyes swelling with tears. You couldn’t ask for a better friend. He made life a little easier to live.

    “You know Cody- you are my best friend- and I hope you always will be.”

    “Max, no worries- we will always be best friends,” and Cody patted me on the back for reassurance.

    “Would you like to drink it with me?” I asked.

    “No, actually, I am on the way to a date. I wanted you to tell me how I look?” he asked. He was now standing up and collecting the drizzling rain in his cupped hands as it trickled off the roof.

    “Come closer,” I said, and he came forward. He was wearing the clothing that I had picked out for him at the mall, and he looked fabulous. “You look spectacular, my friend,” I said in a very endearing tone. "Not too gay- not too straight- Just right!" I stated with the first chuckle I had that night.  

    Cody rolled his eyes at this and said, "Well, I am going- I will call you later tonight." Once again, I was surrounded by nothing but darkness, the chirping of grasshoppers, and drizzling rain. I thought back to bible class when the teacher said that the rain was tears of Angels crying. I believed her- I had no reason not to- even though she was dramatic. Yet, it was as good of an explanation as any when I was seven years old.

     Yes, I was severely depressed. I unscrewed the bottle of the boons farm and guzzled it down in less than five minutes. Although, I appreciated its taste- I wanted to feel drunk.  I felt normal when I drank, and although�" dear readers�" you might find this disturbing, I was just a kid of sixteen, and I knew nothing about the road I was heading down.

    Cody and I would continue to be best friends for a good while. Although I was gay, he had no problem with that, and I regularly gave him fashion tips�" all of which he took. He was a very handsome guy and did extremely well with the girls.

    Yet, much like Cody, I wanted a love life. It would come soon enough. My first boyfriend, Zach entered my life, and the days began to move swiftly. Time can move very swiftly, and I have realized this can be both a blessing and a curse. 

     Zach was an unusual person, and he held complete control over me. He was very dominating, and one of the gorgeous guys I would ever be with. I recall us being in a park as I marveled at the beauty of nature. It was in the evening on an Autumn day. I remember it being a relatively beautiful night. The gentle breeze and cool air made it very enjoyable. I was eighteen by this time.

    I was smoking a cigarette as I watched the wind thrash the tall oak tree limbs back and forth. Like I commonly did, I was drinking, but Zack never touched the stuff. He smoked cigarettes, but that was it.

    “I do not like you hanging out with Cody,” Zack said harshly. I just stare into the sun as it was beginning its majestic descent from the sky. I just stared at it- mesmerized- when his words finally registered in my intoxicated mind. I turned to him.

    “He is my best friend.”

    “I do not like him,” Zack said and continued, “You have to trust me- There will be many ‘Cody’s’’ that will enter your life, but we are forever!” There was a long pause, and Zack asked, “Do you trust me?” I thought for a moment and looked into his hazel eyes. They were beautiful and captivating. I finally spoke,

    “Yes- Yes- I trust you,” I said. I trusted, and I loved him. At least- I thought I did. By this time Zack and I had been dating for three months. At the age of 18, this was substantial.

    “So you will tell him to F**k off?”

    “Yes,” I said, but this troubled me deeply. 

    

    I remember the last conversation I had with Cody on the phone. It was filled with awkward pauses as I stuttered and told him we could not be friends. He was exasperated by my decision. I was equally exasperated. 

    “Goodbye Cody,” I said and hung up the phone. I retired to my room, where I sat in silence and reflected on my decision. I had known Cody since second grade.

    It would turn out that Zack and I would break up a month later. This was when I gained the perspective that relationships were a dime-a-dozen and friendship were forever. I had gotten it backward. And, although, this story makes a genuine point- I cannot begin to tell you what a mistake I had made- and the revelation of this truth I will not detail. Instead, I will leave your minds spending in turmoil�" much like mine has for the last 12 years. Even at age 18, you can destroy bridges- But the worst part- This was a bridge that only I walked on... I guess to end this story I will say- The truth is never simple. And the Truth is much like Love. 

 He was my best friend during high school. In fact, some of my most vivid and endearing memories of him occurred on my back porch where we commonly gathered. I would retire to this sanctuary after my parents went to bed, and on this particular night, the rain drizzled outside. I light a cigarette while I peered into the blackness of the night. I had begun to realize that the night’s blackness and my soul had merged together.

     It was summer, and although, it was hot, I had gotten used to the heat in Baton Rouge. Louisiana was all I knew- and I sat, the cigarette embers burning intensely with every breath I took. Grasshoppers chirped loudly, and you could hear the rain as it dripped upon the tree leaves.

     I loved the rain- the dark clouds that hovered above me- the cigarette smoke that just hung in the air. There was no breeze. I enjoyed sitting outside and hearing the rainfall- little beads of water that washed over everything.

    “Max!” a voice called out into the air. I looked towards the garage and Cody walked towards me, and, I was always glad to see him- But at that moment I was focused on the paper bag that was barely visible in the night- but I had a sixth sense for noticing these types of bags. He held it in his right hand as I attempted to imagine what was within.

    “What is in that bag?” I asked with curiosity- although, I was quite sure  I knew what was in it.

    “Well- hello to you too!” Cody said with a barely visible smile as it spread across his face. He continued, “You know smoking is going to kill you.”  

    “Jesus- that would be a shame,” I said nonchalantly.

    Cody took the cigarette from my hand and took a drag, as he sat down on the bench next to me.

    “What is in that damn bag!” I repeated.

    “A gift for you,” he said eyeing me with an amusing expression on his face. Cody was my best friend at this pivotal moment in my life, and I do not think I could have loved a person more. He stood by me, and I stood by him. We made an excellent team.

    “Show me what is in that God-Damn bag,” I repeated. 

    The cigarette cast an illuminating glow on Cody’s face as the embers desperately fought to be seen in the blackness. I looked at the bag and back up to his face, as I watched his brown eyes peer at me with interest. He took one last drag of the cigarette and handed it back to me.

    “You know the Surgeon General does not recommend smoking. Says so on the pack,” Cody said Coyly.

    “I’ll tell you what,” I said with growing annoyance. I was not annoyed at the question, but rather- I wanted to know what was in the bag he clutched in his hands. I continued, “If you can tell me who the hell the God Damn surgeon general is- I will stop smoking.” Cody gave a hearty laugh. Although Cody teased me about smoking, he was known to go through a pack or two ever so often.

    “That is a good question,” Cody said as he reflected on my comment. Finally, he said, “Well- they will still kill you- regardless of who the Surgeon General is.”

    “Great- I cannot wait! I am living a miserable life. My life is like a paper air plane.  No matter how many times you fold it- it is still a damn piece of paper. Point- regardless of what I do- I will always be a miserable person.”    

    “I did not come here to listen to listen to you gripe, and saturate yourself in pity,” Cody said with a grunt, and although his face was hidden in the bosom of the night- I knew he was smiling.

    “Well, I brought something to help you out.” He pulled out of the bag a bottle of Boons Farm. “It is your favorite flavor too- Strawberry.” He handed it to me, and I was glad it was pitch black- I did not want him to see my eyes swelling with tears. You couldn’t ask for a better friend. He made life a little easier to live.

    “You know Cody- you are my best friend- and I hope you always will be.”

    “Max, no worries- we will always be best friends,” and Cody patted me on the back for reassurance.

    “Would you like to drink it with me?” I asked.

    “No, actually, I am on the way to a date. I wanted you to tell me how I look?” he asked. He was now standing up and collecting the drizzling rain in his cupped hands as it trickled off the roof.

    “Come closer,” I said, and he came forward. He was wearing the clothing that I had picked out for him at the mall, and he looked fabulous. “You look spectacular, my friend,” I said in a very endearing tone. "Not too gay- not too straight- Just right!" I stated with the first chuckle I had that night.  

    Cody rolled his eyes at this and said, "Well, I am going- I will call you later tonight." Once again, I was surrounded by nothing but darkness, the chirping of grasshoppers, and drizzling rain. I thought back to bible class when the teacher said that the rain was tears of Angels crying. I believed her- I had no reason not to- even though she was dramatic. Yet, it was as good of an explanation as any when I was seven years old.

     Yes, I was severely depressed. I unscrewed the bottle of the boons farm and guzzled it down in less than five minutes. Although, I appreciated its taste- I wanted to feel drunk.  I felt normal when I drank, and although�" dear readers�" you might find this disturbing, I was just a kid of sixteen, and I knew nothing about the road I was heading down.

    Cody and I would continue to be best friends for a good while. Although I was gay, he had no problem with that, and I regularly gave him fashion tips�" all of which he took. He was a very handsome guy and did extremely well with the girls.

    Yet, much like Cody, I wanted a love life. It would come soon enough. My first boyfriend, Zach entered my life, and the days began to move swiftly. Time can move very swiftly, and I have realized this can be both a blessing and a curse. 

     Zach was an unusual person, and he held complete control over me. He was very dominating, and one of the gorgeous guys I would ever be with. I recall us being in a park as I marveled at the beauty of nature. It was in the evening on an Autumn day. I remember it being a relatively beautiful night. The gentle breeze and cool air made it very enjoyable. I was eighteen by this time.

    I was smoking a cigarette as I watched the wind thrash the tall oak tree limbs back and forth. Like I commonly did, I was drinking, but Zack never touched the stuff. He smoked cigarettes, but that was it.

    “I do not like you hanging out with Cody,” Zack said harshly. I just stare into the sun as it was beginning its majestic descent from the sky. I just stared at it- mesmerized- when his words finally registered in my intoxicated mind. I turned to him.

    “He is my best friend.”

    “I do not like him,” Zack said and continued, “You have to trust me- There will be many ‘Cody’s’’ that will enter your life, but we are forever!” There was a long pause, and Zack asked, “Do you trust me?” I thought for a moment and looked into his hazel eyes. They were beautiful and captivating. I finally spoke,

    “Yes- Yes- I trust you,” I said. I trusted, and I loved him. At least- I thought I did. By this time Zack and I had been dating for three months. At the age of 18, this was substantial.

    “So you will tell him to F**k off?”

    “Yes,” I said, but this troubled me deeply. 

    

    I remember the last conversation I had with Cody on the phone. It was filled with awkward pauses as I stuttered and told him we could not be friends. He was exasperated by my decision. I was equally exasperated. 

    “Goodbye Cody,” I said and hung up the phone. I retired to my room, where I sat in silence and reflected on my decision. I had known Cody since second grade.

    It would turn out that Zack and I would break up a month later. This was when I gained the perspective that relationships were a dime-a-dozen and friendship were forever. I had gotten it backward. And, although, this story makes a genuine point- I cannot begin to tell you what a mistake I had made- and the revelation of this truth I will not detail. Instead, I will leave your minds spending in turmoil�" much like mine has for the last 12 years. Even at age 18, you can destroy bridges- But the worst part- This was a bridge that only I walked on... I guess to end this story I will say- The truth is never simple. And the Truth is much like Love. 

Author's Note

It is a very sad nonfiction story that tells the truth of life. It talks of loneliness, sadness, and distress. It revolves around love- A topic that brings many people sorrow.