What Hated Feels Like

It's a slam poem thats deep and emotional

Imagine being hated by almost everyone For those of you who can't imagine I'll paint a picture for you: you come home and you can't hold it in anymore You need the safety of your room You run into your house throw your bag on the floor by the door not worrying about your shoes You go into your room and lock the door behind you
You think to your self I'm here now no need to hold it in anymore You sit on your bed and let out the sobs you've held in all day You get up still crying look in the mirror and ask yourself quietly but out loud why are you so ugly, and gross?
Feeling the pain on the Inside from the demons inside scratching at your inner body to be let out; You go over to your dresser kneel down to the small space below it where only you would know something is the one thing that lets you comfort yourself you grab the small box; open it to see the blades looking back at you you don't even resist, you grab a blade look at it, go over to your bed sit down your mind goes to all those mean things people are always saying to you, still crying you slowly cut your wrist not flinching, you imagine the mean girl from school yelling at you telling you to die that you are hated by everyone, you slowly cut again, and then the pain is just unbearable you cut again and again thinking this is the last time that I'll ever do this, the last time I'll lock myself in my room to cry myself to sleep, still holding the blade you sit on your bed and put your head in your hands, you cry a good ten-fifth teen minutes then realize that if your gonna do this you got to do it now before your parents get home, you slam the blade on your dresser, you creep down the hall to the bathroom, you go in and open the cupboard you grab the ibuprofen off the top shelf then you go back into your room and lock the door behind you, you sit down on the floor leaning against the bed you take one glance at the bottle and start to cry again then open the bottle, you look inside and pour a handful into your hand then you lean your head back and start to take them one by one for each one you think this one is for this scar, this person, this word, or this day. Then after you've taken at least half the bottle you look down at your bloody wrist you try to get your blade but fall to floor instead then you grab the box of blades grab a new one and cut again and again, then you start to say all the people you are sorry for, "I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry sister, I'm sorry baby brother" you mother tries the door" I'm sorry best friends" she starts frantically pounding on it "I'm sorry teachers" she's screaming for your father, then you whisper those last words "I'm sorry everyone" and that's when you decided this is time, it's time to let go, time to forget, time to close your eyes, you close your eyes for the last time as your father breaks into your room they're screaming that's all you remember.
It's been 10 years since that night and all you can think of is after you died how your family split apart, how your your sister thinks it's her fault, how your bestfriend Mackinzey cries herself to sleep every night because she blames herself, how your bestfriend Jaden hasn't spoken a word since, how your baby brother Ethan will never now who you are, how you missed prom, how you missed graduating high school, how you missed college, how you missed your first real job, how you missed meeting the love of your life, how you missed your marriage, how you missed seeing your children, HOW YOU MISSED YOUR LIFE;
This is what hated feels like.