It's a Lovely Day

Another shot at being funny

It was a sunny day when Joel was walking down the sidewalk, having just eaten a sandwich from his favorite shop. He was as happy as a man who had just eaten a sandwich from his favorite shop.
Suddenly, an old lady rushed out of an alley a few paces from Joel. She looked around and sprinted towards him when she saw he was the only person around. Her method of approaching Joel was quite similar to the way many other women approached him.
"Whoa there," he said, although how he knew the lady's name was unclear to her. Also unclear was why he felt the need to point out the fact that she was there. She knew she was there. She just ran there.
But those thoughts, among many others, took a back seat to a more pressing matter.
"Hep, hep, I need you hep!"
"Nice to meet you ma'am, but I've gotta say that's awfully forward of you. If you're saying you need my hepatitis, I can't help you anymore. I recently got cured of it."
He recalled the last time a woman looked at him as a last resort.
"No, no, my sun, he in treble!"
"He's a treble? I'm sure he has a lovely voice."
"No, no, you have to hep my sun!"
"Ma'am, are you telling me you want me to give hepatitis to your sun, or the sun?"
"My sun!"
"Right, that's what I thought. Well, beside the fact that giving hepatitis to the sun is impossible, for many reasons, I've told you I no longer have hepatitis."
The woman's look of disappointment matched that of the last woman who approached him, an hour after she settled. Joel wondered how many things the two had in common.
"No, my sun."
"Your son?"
"Yes, yes, you have to hep my sun."
"Ma'am, despite my tendency to dress nicely, I am not actually gay. Also, I no longer have hepatitis."
"No, no! Luke!" she exclaimed, much like the last woman.
She grabbed his arm and tried pulling him towards the alley. The woman now had four things in common. Joel decided not to give them a fifth, and possibly a sixth, similarity and pulled his arm back.
"Actually, my name's Joel but good guess!"
"No, come luke!"
"Again, Joel. J-o-e-l."
The woman sighed in desperation. There was the fifth."Joel,"
"Good!"
"Joel, someone tuk my sun and stahb him."
"We are talking about your sun, correct?"
"Yes!"
Sadly, that was not another comparison Joel could draw.
"Right, well, I don't speak Russian so I don't know what you want me to do."
"No, no, someone stahb him."
"Yes, I heard you but I don't speak Russian."
"No!"
The lady commenced to pull her arm back at shoulder level and then extend it. She did this several times before Joel said:"Ma'am, what you and your freakishly tall son do is none of my business."
"No! Someone came ahnd stahb my sun. He bliding."
"..."
Joel stood in silence.
"I don't even have anything for that."
"Come luke!"
"Again, my name is Joel. Look, I'm sorry but I have to go. I hope you can get your hepatitis."
He walked to the other side of the street and headed to his apartment, though the woman didn't know that.
She rushed back into the alley and kneeled beside her son, the pool of blood surrounding him staining her peach khakis. He stared up at the sky and breathed in heavy, ragged gasps, something that wasn't made easier by the blood that continued to pour out of his mouth. The gaping wound on his chest continued to leak. His phone rested on his hand, broken as badly as the hand that held it.
He gave one last look to his mother and tried his best to smile. Seconds later, the half smile he managed to adopt froze on his pale face. His chest was still. The woman held her son's hand up to her face and cried. Her sobs, though echoed by the brick walls, were heard by no one. The sun set on the empty streets.

Reviews

[Shelby Thévenot]

Comedy ending in death. Nice. I appreciate the dark humour, I think it came across well once I started realizing that this woman had a serious problem that the Joel character could not understand, or did not bother to understand. I pictured this story working well as a play as it was dialogue heavy, and the humour was based off her poor pronunciation of words. Thank you it was a short, yet enjoyable read.

[Extrange]

Thank you so much! I feel like I tried too hard with the similarites thing hut I might try writing a play out of it. Thanks again for your opinion