Naked Truth

Collab with Kublakhan27

04/19/14

I want to feel the shards of

where you've been inside my nervous skin

at the foot of the least trepidatious path

to naked truths

I wait aggressively

and imply as softly

as an archaeologist

on an untapped discovery

But the here and now conspire

behind my back, between my ears

and before your charismatic aura

swimming in your physical proximity

Sweet ripples of anxiety

I sweat and long to witness

and cheer on,

Defeat's hindsight evaporated.

Does the fruit experience pain

In becoming seasoned for the wine?

Is that not where we are?

Where we've been?

I thirst and drink you in,

But the cauldron's left you flinching,

And I'd not have you falling

Any more apart at the seams.

　

　

　

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

I am seriously impressed by this, for I admire the stunning erudite of both of your prose and the overall atmosphere of this piece: a passive-aggressive romp through the thoughts of a speaker plagued by the present condition of their relationship and the fact that your speaker is still confused as to what must be done in order to save it, the fact that this poem involves thoughts that range from wholly separate points in the spectrum of reasoning.

Shall your speaker merely await the day when the two of them make do and live on? It seems so, considering the reference to the transforming of fruit to wine: the fruit must endure the stomping and the being left to rot and the oh, so sweet pain of fragments of itself slowly giving into the shift and becoming something else from what it once was. Yet it will all be worth it, for the fruit is now a beverage who's value has skyrocketed.
This point is also vaguely supported by the reference to the archaeologist with their bones. Your speaker is truly going through something that they has never endured and is frightened as to what interacting with the moments can do; for what if their touch simply causes the bones to fall apart? Tarnishes the past between the two?
Deriving from the bones metaphor, I could also assume that the lover your speaker loves so dearly has a past that they is afraid to touch, in fear of ruining the lover and shattering what they once was.

Yet, by what the last stanza implies, it seems to suggest your speaker is quite helpless, but would do anything just to keep their lover intact and salvage what they can from the wreckage of what has been going on. They desperately wants to do something, but just doesn't know what to do.

I am amazed and I adore this poem very much. Well done, to the both of you indeed.

[Melobldnfr]

Thank you so much Tai. I have few words to express how pleased I am our piece has moved you so. :-)

[Lyn Anderson]

This is an outstanding piece. I think it slips past the sensors with a squeak, but you might want to change the pic to make sure, or conversely, slap it mature.

[Melobldnfr]

Positive and constructive, thank you.

[Anand Sehgal]

Does the fruit experience pain

In becoming seasoned for the wine?


Is that not where we are?

Where we've been?

I am a fan of your words :)
Loved it dear :)
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[Melobldnfr]

Thank you so much Anand for reading and letting me know it moved you.

[Vidya Bacchus]

I really liked this.It fairly crackled with emotions and the lines are so very poignant .Great read and excellent write :)

[A. Amos]

Interesting read and magically crafted piece of art...great work my friend

[Melobldnfr]

Thank you so much A., and to Steve for conspiring with me once again.

[A. Amos]

You're welcome my friend

[Cory Barrett]

so much nervous energy here, intolerable anticipation. I see so much want in the speaker, but the other is simply not there or not ready.

Great write!

[Melobldnfr]

Truly no hiding the intent of this piece. Exactly where I was at when Steve asked if I was up for writing another poem with him. Enjoyed it very much. Thank you for the read and review!

[kublakhan27]

It was a joy as always working with you my dear friend...I'm happy that I was able to contribute to a piece that was so significant to you, and honoured that you would offer my a chance to share in it...thank you Melinda :) xo

[Melobldnfr]

:'-) Thank you Steve. Things were so raw with me for a bit that it took me a while to post it. Thank you for working with me and being patient with me. -Blessed to know you.-