2. Passengers

These are the people I sit with... So I put my headphones on and look out the window.

 

 

The pizza from Domino’s tasted like cardboard to her, a pepperoni and cheese one topping large special for 7.99. She usually didn’t eat too much, two pieces and she was full. Her brother and dad usually polished off the six other slices. Today was kind of different though. As she sat down at the kitchen table, eating, her dad sat with her.

 

“How was work today?” he asked, biting into the crust of his slice. Luke had already walked in and grabbed a plate full, before creeping silently back into his room.

 

“It was good,” Barbara replied. She still had on her work clothes from today at the coffee shop, a short sleeve white dress shirt and long tan dress pants. Usually she had a dark brown apron to go along with it, but that was left at work in the linen bin. She had her blond hair tied up in a ponytail during her shifts, which she still hadn’t undone.

 

“Good.”

 

They ate in silence, besides the chewing of their closed mouths. Suddenly they heard a shout of surprise come from Luke in the other room.

 

“I guess he’s beating those friends of his,” her dad said with a smile. “Or maybe he’s losing, not sure…”

 

Barbara didn’t say anything.

 

“So, I wanted to talk with you…”

 

She looked up at him. Her eyebrows scrunched together reflexively but she quickly collected herself. Usually when her dad started off a conversation like that, it meant something bad. If it was anything good he just would have said it. When he started it this way, it was more like saying, “I have something I need to tell you, prepare yourself.”

 

“Yeah?” she asked nonchalantly, taking another bite of pizza.

 

“Have you thought about taking some college courses?”

 

She didn’t meet his eyes and took another bite.

 

“Y-yeah. I have before. I didn’t think we had the money though…”

 

“Well, I put little something away. Your old dad has a few reserves left,” he said with a grin. “I think we should discuss it sometime. You could take a few classes, just to get you started. See where to go from there?”

 

She had been thinking about that. In fact she had been thinking about it since junior year in highschool and since graduation a year ago. And if she were perfectly honest, she was nervous about trying for college.

 

I have no idea what I want to do with my life… What should I major in? How long will it take? Can we afford those classes and what kind of debt will I have to pay later on? What if I can’t use those skills I acquire and don’t want to be what I choose?

 

But the most important question, the one she knew she had to ask above all us, was:

 

“What about Luke? Can you afford to get him into college too?” she said it so easily, as though it had been water leaking from a dam that suddenly burst.

 

He looked somewhat sad for a moment, but responded optimistically.

 

“Well… not at the moment,” he said with a half smile. “But he and I have time to work that out. He’s not getting out of school yet for a couple more years. So in the mean time, let’s focus on what you want, okay?”

 

She looked to the side again, and thought about it.

 

Barbara realized she really did want to focus on herself. And she smiled, despite herself.

 

“Don’t have to worry about me. You want to go, get going.”

 

They turned to see Luke standing in the hallway entrance. He had an empty plate in his hand and a napkin in the other. He wiped off some sauce on his face with it and moved toward the table. He wore blue jeans and a green t-shirt that said, “Keep Calm and Sssstay Alive” with some kind of alien from a video game on it. He had dark brown messed up hair and glasses. As Barbara watched him, she noted how he never seemed to gain weight either. In fact, despite eating those slices of pizza, he looked too skinny…

 

“Hey now, we’re just talking about your sister, son. She’s getting older, and we gotta discuss when she wants to fly the coop.”

 

He stared at her and nodded.

 

Barbara held a solid frown and stared at her brother. But the thought of leaving, or the way her dad said it, made her feel uneasy.

 

Do you want me to leave, dad?

 

“It’s cool. You don’t really like being here that much anyway,” her brother said easily and started to reach for another slice to eat. It was a casual comment and it felt like a little joke, harmless. But, something underneath his voice edged her.

 

Her fingers curled up into a fist, kept under the table.

 

“Well, it’s pretty quiet around here with just me and dad,” she said. Her voice got tense.

 

He glanced her way, a look of innocence on his face.

 

“If you guys want to hang out, I’m always for it-”

 

“Sure.”

 

She replied immediately, cutting him off. Then she saw some anger in his expression. The sun was dipping over the horizon now, about seven in the afternoon. The light came in through the window and their apartment was a shade of yellow and orange.

 

“Well, maybe it’d be easier to do something if you didn’t just brood all day. And complain.” His voice was raised slightly at the last word.

 

“Maybe I wouldn’t complain if my brother did something once in a while...” she tried to stay calm, but now she was furious. It was all coming out now. Everything she thought of her brother, and everything she was tired of her dad ignoring.

 

“Like you do? I don’t see you with any friends or anything! You barely talk to anyone!” he shouted back.

 

“Hey! Both of you need to cal-” their dad started.

 

“And you’re just sitting around in your room all day, not doing anything important. There’s a reason you’re going to summer school and it’s because you’re playing games with strangers and watching porn.”

 

“Shut up, Babs!” he stood up just as she did and leaned in. His face was red and angry. That had been a cheap shot, and she honestly didn’t know if her brother ever watched anything like that.

 

His eyes looked like they were starting to tear up a little, and her lungs suddenly felt a little heavy.

 

She had taken this too far.

 

“You’re just a freeloader. No direction, you don’t pay rent and constantly just sponge off dad. All you try to do is blame everything on other people.” He said, staring her down. “…And then you write torn up letters to mom to make yourself feel better.”

 

She visibly faltered. Her hands were on the table and her body started to shake slightly.

 

“Enough.”

 

Their dad stood up and grabbed Luke by the shoulder, squeezing it, hard.

 

“Now I said, enough. That means both of you.” Her father’s voice was strong and deep, serious. “Apologize.”

 

Barbara’s mind reeled. Luke knew about the letters… and her dad didn’t seem surprised when he mentioned them. Did they both know? Had they read them? Her thoughts, what she wanted to ask mom?

 

Her vision started to blur, and she realized tears were welling up in her eyes as well. But she was still so angry, not sad. She glared at her brother and started to breathe in deeply. His eyes were puffy and red, but he looked like he wanted to fight her.

 

She didn’t wait for an apology, and walked away from the table pushing her chair to the side as she did so. Feeling lightheaded, but determined with a place to go in mind, she made her way for the door. She didn’t grab her shoes and opened the door with her socks on.

 

“Babs, hold on!” her dad shouted.

 

She slammed the door.

 

Moving down the hallway at an easy pace, the humid air immediately started to make her sweat. She made it to the railing, and turned left toward the stairs instead of to the right as usual. She wanted to walk, no elevator this time.

 

Vaguely, she could hear an apartment door open up.

 

“Babs, where are you going?” she heard her father shout, though she couldn’t see him.

 

Someone was walking up the stairs as she turned her head to reply.

 

“Get some air-”

 

…

 

BAM

 

…

 

Her left shoulder plowed right into Thomas’s as she took her first step off the stairway. And in that moment, everything slowed.

 

She could see his face, her friend as he walked by her, a mixture of joy and surprise, which transformed into confusion and terror as she slowly inched forward - as she fell forward. And now she also noticed something else, something that terrified her just as she could see terrified him. Because her foot hadn’t hit that first step.

 

She had missed it.

 

She had bumped into him and was falling down the stairs.

 

He stared at her and she stared back, freefalling backwards. Her heart skipped a beat as her world’s perspective started to fade. All her anger toward her brother, her own stupidity and her own fears all overflowed out of her. She could never apologize to either one of them.

 

And, though she hadn’t thought it was important until now, she would never get to tell Thomas what had been bothering her for so long. That she was sorry for not spending time with him the last few months. For not having her family over for dinner with him and his mom.

 

Barbara felt everything start to drain away, and lifted up a hand toward him.

 

A goodbye.

 

With a desperate look, he reached forward, in a frame by frame motion and grabbed her hand.

 

And then everything stopped.

 

 

***

___

‘Dear Mom,

 

Sometimes I want to be like you, and just leave.

 

Dad drives me crazy. He can never keep focused on one thing. He’s gone through at least four jobs since you left. We have money, but just enough to keep us going. He keeps finding a way to support us, and it’s just enough to keep us here. Like a car that’s turned on in neutral.

 

I know he loves me though. Really, he does try.-’

___

Author's Note

Enjoy! =D