The Great White Throne

It was like nothing I had ever seen before in my life. A white throne room of incredible splendor, it reminded me of one of those days when I was younger, a blizzard had hit and the sun was shining on the aftermath, a blinding glare off the snow. It was like that now, only I wasn’t going blind, and the snow seemed to pale in comparison to this throne room.

Even now I can hardly describe it with any words beyond wonderful. It radiated power and majesty. This was heaven. Really and truly. The memory makes my hair stand on end. My mere words fall far short and fail me when I try to describe it.

But the wonders did not stop at the throne. There was the man who sat on it. He was high and lifted up, with angels flying above him, with six wings. Two covered his face, two covered his feet, and he flew with the final two. With voices like thunder, they cried “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!”

I fell to my knees. This was not something for my mortal eyes. I felt exposed and naked, the vagabond intruder, the vermin running through the palace.

This was the judge. I knew that beyond a shadow of doubt. This was the end. And then he spoke my name. “John Blake Kingston, come forward.” With his voice, it seemed like my body shook. With knees knocking and my heart beating out of my chest, I stepped forward.

A book was in his hand. Scrolled in binding was the name, “The Book of Life.” The book was opened, and the man on the great white throne flipped through it. “John. I do not see your name listed.” The man said, a tear visible in his eye. A tear?

“What does that mean?”

“John. The Book of Life records the name of all who are to enter into Paradise with me. Those who are not listed are doomed to spend eternity in Hades.”

The awful truth sank in. The stories were true. There truly was a heaven and a hell, and I was on the wrong side of it. “Is there nothing I can do?”

“No John. There isn’t.”

“No! That can’t be right! I was told you were a good God! They said you were merciful! That you forgave us! I’ve been a good person!”

The tear slipped down his cheek. “John. I already gave you that chance.” He held out his hands, showing me the nail prints in his wrist, just below the hand. “I came down earth. I took your sins upon my shoulders and died for you. I took your punishment. Your death sentence. All you needed to do was ask for my grace, for my mercy, and it would have been freely given.”

I dared to look into his eyes. I have never seen anything like it before, such love and such hate, all in one.

“I gave you every chance to accept me. Though you have done good things, you have not kept my commandments perfectly. You have disobeyed me. You have lied. You have hated. You have lusted.” I cringed with every sin he listed. “No amount of righteousness you have done could save you. You need grace. You could have asked at any time.”

Another tear slipped down his cheek. “Your name is not found written in the Book of Life. Depart from me, I never knew you.”

Reviews

[Taylor]

This is the first piece of yours that I have read and I'm glad that I stopped by. Just by way of introduction, I try to review in as honest and supportive way as I can. Because I value forthright critiques, so that I can learn and grow as a writer, that's also what I try to give. So, please receive this in that spirit. Use what you can and discard whatever does not ring true to you.
First I enjoyed the overall piece, though of course the subject is dark and one that I don't particularly share, but it's not necessary to get into that. I am looking at the writing, not whether we intersect on a belief system. In terms of the writing, there are parts that are lyrical -- the images of the snow and the blinding light.
For me, there is an inherent flaw in that the narrator is describing a "memory" which pre-supposes that he/she has lived on after the event. So where is he now? Is he in Hell? Has he come back to earthly life? Was the "memory" a dream or did he have a near-death experience? Unanswered questions which don't necessarily need to be answered but certainly there's a conflict introduced which is never resolved. Sort of a smoking gun.

"With his voice, it seemed like my body shook. With knees knocking and my heart beating out of my chest, I stepped forward." I think this could be written more concisely -- did his body shake? If so, just say so, not that it "seemed" like it. I should think in the circumstances his body shook violently.
I wonder what would happen if you slowed the story down a bit and gave a little more description of the Almighty. When you talk of the "man flipping through the book," would it become more visual if you described his hands/fingers/color of skin. I'd love to see more details about the "place," not just that it's Heaven and white, but more nubby details appealing to all the senses. You reference the thunderous chorus chanting "Holy, Holy, Holy...." but no other sounds. What was the man's voice like -- soft so that John had to step forward to hear or booming like the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz. A final point -- it might be helpful to review sentence length and punctuation. Some are long to the point of being run-on. So all in all, I think you've tackled this topic from an intriguing perspective and I'd love to see a re-write at some point.

[Mike Wolfe]

Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate the people who give honest opinions! I will say that this is one of the hardest pieces I have ever written, because of the limited description we are given in scripture. I decided to write it vague because I didn't want a description of heaven to take precedent over the story. Besides, heaven is a place created by God, filled with things "eye has not see nor ear heard." My words would never and could never do it justice.

I really appreciate reviews, I'll be sure to check out some of your works as well!

[BL]

Brilliant and chilling opening lines that you have followed up well. This piece is succinct, but there could be more. I found this refreshing and different from anything I have read on here which to me means you write with confidence and self belief for starters. Keep writing more of this it would be nice to see how this develops.

[M.D. Harrison]

A very chilling, yet what I believe to be true story of what waits for all after death. I appreciate your honest and introspective narrative. I thought it was very realistic and well executed. Glad to see pieces like this. Keep up the great work