When I Forget

When I forget... a part of me will always remember.

When I Forget

 

When I forget you, remember that a part of me will always weep…

 

There was a time I had everything about you memorized. Your voice, your eyes, the way you wore your hair and the way you laughed. The deep, baritone sound of joy coming from you was what I lived for.

 

I loved the way you walked. You were always a tall guy, but you always made sure I was right by your side. You never left me behind. We would walk in step, and you didn’t care how slow you had to go so I could keep up.

 

There was something about the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled. That look made you seem… worldly. It made you seem as though you had seen many things in your life that you wanted to share, and that smile reminded me just how excited you got over the little things in life, things others wouldn’t give a second thought to.

 

But now that’s gone.

 

When I forget you, remember that a part of me knows what you mean to me…

 

“I love you.” You told me, holding my hand and kissing my cheek. I tried to tell you that I’m sick, but how could I? There were days I couldn’t remember to tell you ‘good morning’ or ‘hello’ simply because, for those scary and fleeting moments, I hadn’t the slightest clue who you were.

 

Now it starts.

 

“Please don’t look at me like I’m a stranger.” You begged me, trying to hold me but I fought back.

I don’t know who this man is.

 

“You know me!” You shout in my face, “Stop this, you’re scaring me!”

 

I’m scaring him? Doesn’t he know how scared I am?

I try to tell him but then I stop and remember why it was so important for me to keep this to myself. Why was his smile gone? I really liked his smile. I liked the way it crinkled his eyes… it made him seem worldly, as if he--

 

Wait… who?

 

Why is his hair up? No, I like it down, where it frames his face. I always tell him to shave, but then he looks different, and I can't wait for it to grow back… but then how long would that take?

 

Who is he?

 

“Don’t run from me!”

 

He’s trying to hold me, but his touch his foreign. It used to be so warm and kind. Losing myself in his arms was everything to me once upon a time. Letting him hold me and protect me from the world was something I would have given my soul to feel again.

 

“Do you know the stars are gifts from the Earth to the sky?” I would ask him. Then he would smile in that familiar way and tell me that if he could, he would give me all the diamonds in the world.

 

When I forget you, remember that a part of me will always love you…

 

Why are the cops here? Apparently I called them. He’s sitting on the couch, his head in his hands while they interrogate them. He tells them that I'm sick and need help, that we live together and I know him. They don't believe him.

I snap to my senses and tell them to leave him alone. I kick them out and then fall to me knees, begging him to forgive me. 

 

“What are you doing to me?” He demanded, “To us?”

 

I try to explain to him again, but this time he throws up his hands and tells me that he can’t do this anymore. He loves me but I’m breaking his heart, he says. As if it’s something I can control.

 

“I’ll leave then!” I say, though I know that’s not what he means. His smile is permanently gone, and his hair is in disarray. He takes unnaturally long strides to get a hold of me, but I run out to the street, because… because… how did I get here?

 

“Stay away from me!” I warn him, a stranger. Who is he? Why is he chasing me?

I back out further into the street and hear a car coming. I turn just in time to see the headlights approach me faster and faster, its horn blaring at me and growing louder and louder.

 

He shouts my name and runs towards me.

 

I turn to face him and scream his name…

 

When I forget you, know that this isn’t what I wanted.

 

Author's Note

Story behind this: a close friend of mine told a story about a woman, who suffered from dementia, that divorced her first husband and then remembered who he was when they were leaving the courthouse, but by then it was too late, and he had a stroke and died.
I don't know how authentic that story is, but that inspired me to write this story. I don't know it is with me and cryptic tales of late, but hey... writer's privileged, right? ;)

Reviews

[Angad Waraich]

Oh beautiful sadness my dark paradise (i used one of my lines) because i dint know how else to start to describe a piece such as this, eloquent writing and well i am a sucker for tragedies , so well you nailed it.
Very well done piece.

Thank you for sharing.
Angad

[Mila]

Thank you!!

[FNG]

It's been quite a while since I was on here, but this was a beautiful way to come back. The way you formed this really conjured in my mind what was happening and I felt both sadness and understanding. Well done.

[terry smith]

This is very well written! very realistic, as I have seen this and it is so sad...well done!

[Mila]

Thank you!!

[Michael Mendez]

I'm a sucker for tragedies in stories. I really liked this one. Love how you ended it too. What a perfect way to do it.

[Mila]

Thank you! :)

[A. H. Pinley]

He’s trying to hold me, but his touch his foreign. (Read it again...)
Why are the cops here? Apparently I called them. He’s sitting on the couch, his head in his hands while they interrogate them. (Read again...)
I couldn't imagine seeing a love one, my spouse go through this. I know a couple of guys where their wives battle with alzheimer's, both men were pushed to their limit. One of the men questioned how he was going to live without his wife. Through sickness and health, easier said than done, but possible. Thanks for sharing!

[Mila]

Thank you for the edits!! Always appreciated!

And I agree, it would kill me!

[niya]

a phrase that comes my mind after reading your work, " we valued people when we lost them "..okay it is a gud piece of writing , but an honest sugesstion for you is to decrease syllabels to make it more effective . overall its really gud..

[Mila]

Thank you!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Wow what an amazing and haunting story, I love it!!!!!!!!!!

[Mila]

Thank you!!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

My absolute pleasure!!!!!!!

[Rounak Jain]

This write up first reminded me of that someone special by my side. Got me smiling, just like in bollywood movies. Everything colorful, bright and cheerful. then gradually it started turning dark, blood getting thick and its flow slow, heart swelling, heart beats numb. Tears about to burst out of my eyes as I imagined the guy with his head in hands. With every word coming next, I could feel the pain of that poor guy who was breaking apart without any clue. Of not able to save this beautiful relationship, of not able to help her out, not able to help himself out. And there, as I read that its actually inspired by a real life story of someone, I could not take it anymore. Gasping for breathe, I press the SUBMIT REVIEW.

[Mila]

Thank you!! I'm so happy you enjoyed this story! :)

[Not here]

sorry i meant story. not poem. great story!

[Mila]

Haha, it's alright, thank you still! :)

[Not here]

that is such a sad story, but this was a really good poem

[Mila]

Thank you!