I Was Just One Of Many

I was just one of many . . .

Wasn't unfair as such as hurtful. Nothing is fair so in reality it was, well, just reality. No. Not in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be hurt as much as I was. So much had gone wrong before that. For that one event to push me back over was not fair. Although like I said, everything in reality is unfair.

 

It all started when my sister left. For the third time. In one year. It was new years eve, eve. Obviously since what happened the second time I was hurt by her and at the time I did not want her back. It sounds harsh to say. But it was nothing by the truth. I told her that I didn't want her back a few days before she left. Although she'd made the decision to leave long before that.

 

It stung. It stung like hell when she left for the third time. She gave a load of bullshit to my parents about her decision to leave. I knew it was me. I  knew it was my fault she was leaving again. She didn't need to tell me for me to know that. I sat in the room whilst she told my parents, my face so cold, like stone. Just frozen.

 

She packed her bags, and made me her way. Gave so more s**t about how her boyfriend seven years her senior wasn't going to pick her up. She left a lot here. Cloths she didnt' want or need, her phone that my parents paid for. I knew her code.

 

I went on to her mobile. Typed in her code correct the first time. My parents had seen the messages before me, but I need to see for myself. She named me specifically. In a text my name had been mentioned blaming me in a pitiful, pathetic text to her boyfriend. I couldn't cry. I had to be strong, well at least look it, I was the oldest now  I had to be the strong one.

 

I knew what she had planned. She had planned to be thrown out so that it didn't appear to be her fault. How disappointing for her. It didn't go her way for once in her life.

 

 

There had been so many arguments over that holiday. One key argument was with friends, friends that I thought were close to me. They defended a boy they'd know a few months. A boy who'd broken my friends heart, she became so scared that she was afraid of what he might do if she broke up with him. But she had to do it in the end.

 

Five days later we saw on facebook of all places that he was in a relationship. With one of our friends no doubt. Of course she was heartbroken cried over something she shouldn't be. Unsurprisingly friends who actually cared stood up for her. Yes, we did have to deal with a bulk of comments and abuse, but it was my friend who was in trouble so I would take what ever was thrown at me.

 

That argument tore friends apart. The 'friend' he was in a so called relationship had stabbed so many people in the backs before we, well a few of us had no problem blanking and ignoring her. It happened for days more arguments would spring off of it. Boy were we ready for those fights we took everything that had happened in the past and flung it into all of their faces.

 

It was three of them. Just three. One of them I must admit was still my friend. I still speak to her, just not at school and not when they're around. I lost my entire trust in so many people it was unbelievable. At least now I can say I know who I trust. Those people mean the absolute world to me.

 

I had so much to deal with and going to put a flirtationship (more than a friendship less than a relationship) on top of that was no help at all. Although sometimes it made me feel good about myself. Someone wanted me, even if it was for a short time. It was bad to say at the time I could trust him more than most of my friends. We may have flirted too much but I could speak to him, tell him most things. Was that bad? I'm not sure? I didn't care that I was one of many.

 

 

Days went by, there was no sign of her. Why should there be? Every day I'd fall asleep at ridiculous times, I'd fall asleep at four and wake up an hour later, then quickly fall back asleep again. It was my way of escaping. If i wasn't concious i didn't have to deal with the waking world. Escapism.

 

I didn't know how long it would last. Most days I'd wake myself up when my mum arrived home. Go down stairs and sit with her. Majorit of day I was greeted with "You look awful." That's because i did look awful, dark eyeliner smudged down my cheeks. Blackened eyes, with smered lip gloss. I was not the most attractive person at those times. Life does but go on.

 

 

I did exstreamly well at school, it appeared the more going in my personal life the better my grades were.

 

Author's Note

So not done, BASED on REAL life so if you don't like I don't blame you... i hate my life right now too. I know it's not as bad as many other peoples but trust me that isn't the bulk of what's going on that's just all i can write about.