Lauren: The Trouble With Womankind

Lauren came gliding down the stairs, on an ethereal breeze of grace and white diamond. It had been the longest hardest day, but she got through it. Her day began early in the morning 8:00am botox appointment with doctor Rutgers. It was imperative that the many lines of wisdom encompassing her face were temporarily forced into remission . Then a 9:00am appointment with Ramonee for a full body massage, concentrating on loosening the trunked layers of cellulite that had congealed to her thighs over the many years. 11:00 appointment with Vanessa for a full set, French mani and a spa petti. 12:00pm appointment with Julian, for a wash and set. Then a 2 to 4 session with Carman, her personal stylist, who just happened to receive a new shipment in from the famed designer, Kayet Docove. The busy morning culminated with a visit to her most favorited friend of all; the one whom if he couldn’t put a smile on her face, then damn it he’d paint one on and it would look just as real.

“Beauty if Pain my love,” she lectured herself while pinching a crooked strand of hair from her eyebrow. Standing in front of the foyer mirror she wondered was she still beautiful, as she stared at the remnants of a woman once comparable to a Hollywood screen goddess. There had always been two kinds of beauty, at least by her standards; the real beauty that she had once so animatedly possessed and the true beauty that she longed to know. At first glance she had always been beautiful, great figure, gorgeous smile, long flowing hair, bright eyes, high cheek bones all broomed and groomed for perfection. There was never anytime to scrutinize or analyze any other crucial character points. No-one ever gave a damn whether it was temporary or everlasting, whether she was lucid or held any depth, because for that one glance, that one sec, that one moment she was beautiful; and you either wanted her or wanted to be her. Then the wrinkles of time, and the weight of the world slowly stripped away all that was naturally beautiful about her; eventually to be replaced with the newest and quickest fads of technology. Lauren continued staring, willing the essence of her youth to return. Her auburn eyes glowed forcing a vain smile to address her face. “You still in there lovely lady, still in there.” She turned and made her way into the dining room.

Lauren sat down, across her vanilla bean, chocolate swirled marble dinning room table from the most wonderful husband in the world. She wrinkled her lips into a bow, smiling her most seductive of smiles, and batting her long thickened eye lashes. Brushing lengthy strands of framboised lock away from her eyes, she picked up the bottle of Chardonnay and stood from her seat. She eased away from her chair making sure to lean towards him exposing a bit of perfectly powder flesh swelling out from behind the shelter of her clenching top. Her thighs clasped the edge of the marble table top pointing a perfectly arrowed corner towards the most pleasurable adventure Lauren could offer. Sashaying towards him she made sure to crisscross each step to embellish the shape of her thick thighs as they bulged from the binding of her cream and caramel pencil skirt. The bottle dragged beside her skipping across the length of the marble.

“New outfit I see, huh?” Her husband questioned.

“Uhuh. Do you like it?” She answered, attempting to catch his eyes by licking the lusciousness of her freshly painted lips. She stepped behind him, pressing herself against him, and leaning forward to poor him a glass of wine.

“So how much is that one going to cost me, seeing as this will be the first and last time I ever see you wearing it?”

Lauren wrapped her arms around her husbands neck, and kissed the back of his head.

“How was your day at work today.” She questioned flouncing back towards her chair.

“Fine, glad to know that I have a good job to keep you in the standards you seem to be living, so fancy free.” He spat out. Picking up his wine glass and taking a sip. “And yours? What did you do today?”

“Nothing and everything all at the same time.” She answered.

Howard concentrated on his meal. If there was anything he loved coming home to it was a good meal. No matter what Lauren fumble around with all day, she made sure to have dinner waiting for him when he came home.

“ So did anything interesting happened at work?” Lauren questioned, shaking her hair into her face, then slinging it back behind her back attempting to provoke a reaction from her husband.

“No.” Howard answered concentrating on his steak and potatoes. Pockets of flesh scented steam were still escaping from his steak. The most intoxicating smell in the world to a man who's worked all day to put just such a meal on the table. 

 

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“The tragedy of woman-kind is this: By nature they seek to posses beauty; whether it be their own physical attractiveness or the desire for another whom is beautiful. Your minds are rot by beauty. You, all of you all are so blinded by your own desires that you’ve come so far as to establish guidelines to define who is or is not beautiful. One can’t be too short, or too tall, or too fat, or too skinny; One can’t be too dumb, or too smart, or too happy, or too sad. You’ve all ganged up together and created an impossible image of beauty, destroy yourselves trying to achieve it, and then hate others when they come close to it.” Howard huffed out, still attempting to cut up his steak.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lauren laughed charmingly concealing the anger already brewing behind her glossy hazel eyes. “You act as if men don’t desire beauty, men are the reason women want to be beautiful!”

“Correction,” Howard barked, clearing his throat and preparing for the showdown that was about to occur. “Women are the reason that men have a reason to want women to be beautiful.”

“Your not making sense!”

“I’m making sense, You’re not making sense of my sense.”

“Damn it, Howard your not making sense!” She puffed out fling her fork onto her plate.” “All your doing is adding words to what I have already said, trying to make yourself so overtly intelligent.”

Howard snickered, picked up his wine glass and took a long hearty swig. “What I’m saying is that men did not want beauty until women defined it for them. I‘d bet that the first men of the world did not care what who they fucked looked like, as long as they could f**k them. Then some loathsome un-fucked woman got mad and did something that set her apart from all the other women and from then on the process continued.”

“Are you kidding me! Men are the ones who set women apart from each other, where do you think makeup, and implants, and liposuction, and botox, even high fashion came from; it was the mind fart of a man.”

“No, No, no correction it was the desire of a woman and the creation of a man. Believe it or not men are truly smarter then women, were so smart that we ingeniously told women they were smarter than us; and like moths to a flame women believed it. Then we sat back and capitalized on all your wants and desires and watched ya’ll pounce on them like flies on a carcass.” Howard answered ripping off a piece of bread from his roll and plopping it into his mouth

“F**k you Howard!”

“Okay . . .Okay, after dinner though, I‘m hungry.” He snickered ripping off another piece of bread and dipping it into the brown gravy puddled on top of his mashed potatoes.

“Ohh!“ Lauren screamed, popping out of her chair, knocking it back so far it tumbled over. “You enjoy your meal Howard Javensoel, hope to god I’m as in love with you as you think I am, and that the gravy only looks darker cause it’s a little burnt!”

Howard grabbed his napkin spiting out what was left of the chewed up bread bits. “See why you have to go there Lauren? He yelled, slamming his fist into the table. “I don’t even see what the problem is. You wanted me to tell you, you look beautiful because you ran around town and spent a crap load of money to look exactly the same way you looked yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and I did. You want me to say it again? “ Howard paused and waited for a reply he knew he’d never receive. “Damn it Lauren, Your beautiful! You look beautiful today.” he barked out sarcastically, slapping his had on the table with each syllable. “ You want me to scream it?” Howard raised his arms up high and belted out, “You look beauuuuuutiful Lauren, just beautiful.” Now can I eat or do you want me to complement the dog cause he s**t in the yard like he’s suppose to instead of on my god damn carpet?”

“And what the hell does that mean!”

“You get up every morning and put yourself together, its routine! You want me to complement you for something you do everyday because someone else did it for you, is that what they told you when they were charging all that money to my name?

“Our name, Howard our name, you know what Howard, just stop talking I don’t want to talk to you anymore!”

“I wasn’t talking to begin with, I was eating, I was happily eating my steak and mashed potatoes until my wife decided to tell me she may or may not have poisoned me!”

“I never said that!”

“You just did!”