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Reliving

Reliving

A Poem by Mistaken
"

i got this idea from my friends break up so yeah...i went with it.

"

I sit by a window

listening to the rain

feeling every bit of pain

inflicted by you

knowing that you meant it

feeling the strain

of watching your face change

from love to hate in a few seconds.

Reliving every moment in my head;

it will not stop

Tears coursing down my face;

faster than the rain can fall

My pain drains away slowly leaving through my eyes

hate takes its place and lodges into what was my heart

hate-for what you did and how you just left me there

making me see what a heart can be

what it can turn into

how could you do this to me?

stranded within myself

leaving me in agony; never to return

to what i used to be.

© 2009 Mistaken


Author's Note

Mistaken
Please kritik this I like feedback. Thanks:)

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Featured Review

This is a great write, but somethings I did see that might make this even better. Take for example these lines:
'Reliving every moment in my head; it will not stop
Tears coursing down my face; faster than the rain can fall"

I'd do something like:
"Reliving every moment in my head;
it will not stop
Tears courising down my face;
faster than the rain can fall"
To emphasize the second part of the lines. "it will not stop" is a strong line and should stand alone to give it more power.
Otherwise this is a good write.

Krys

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

It's a simple and expressive poem. The thoughts are barely exaggerated to create a more dramatic scene. I honestly this kind of approach is fine as it is. However, if you want to add more passion, intensity and emotion in your piece, you may add more vivid and powerful words. It's amazing how you can write from other's experience and still be able to convey the right emotions.

Keep Writing. ^___^

Posted 9 Years Ago


i really like how one can read this poem and see that (in my interpretation) a break-up can be bittersweet, but still hurt the same.
"hate-for what you did and how you just left me there
making me see what a heart can be
what it can turn into
how could you do this to me?"

"Making me see what a heart can be" -thats my favorite part of the whole thing. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

very well expressed... each line describe the pain ...
i really liked it...


Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AMAZINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

So it's basically amazing...I like it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

i love it! =]

Posted 11 Years Ago


This is a great write, but somethings I did see that might make this even better. Take for example these lines:
'Reliving every moment in my head; it will not stop
Tears coursing down my face; faster than the rain can fall"

I'd do something like:
"Reliving every moment in my head;
it will not stop
Tears courising down my face;
faster than the rain can fall"
To emphasize the second part of the lines. "it will not stop" is a strong line and should stand alone to give it more power.
Otherwise this is a good write.

Krys

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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434 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 24, 2009
Last Updated on December 6, 2009

Author

Mistaken
Mistaken

ID



About
Hi! My name is not important to you. Just call me Mistaken:) I love to write...it helps me with everyday life that just passes us by. I'm a quiet person but my whole personality shows in my writings. .. more..

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