The Cave and I

I discover an old cave only to have someone try to jump my claim.

	I'm sorry, I told the scantily clad man in bad need of a shave, this is my cave. I found it. You must do your speelunking elsewhere. You know... I bet this cave(that I found) has been lost for 50 thousand years. But yet, I was't here 20 minuites before someone tried to jump my claim. That fuzzy chested guy with osteo-perosis thought that he would scare me with that home made club. I am not one that is easily scared. I rushed out and got my aluminum bat out of the trunk of my car. I guess this here is what we call a stale-mate,I told him? He was obviously impressed by my weapon of choice, but still came at me like Luke Skywalker. He didn't have but two teeth, and I commenced to swing my bat at them. He was a short and dumpy fellow and I assumed that his shortness was a side affect of his Osteo-perosis. So even though I seemed to be a foot taller than he,I did not feel as if I was picking on a small person. I had the unfortunant pleasure of getting close to the guys club once as it impacted lightly in my groin. The guy was a dirty fighter. I should have knew. And he had halatosis too. I dont like it when people hit me in the groin with clubs. I dont care if he had osteo-perosis, halatosis, or stinky underarms. The guy was going down! No-one messes with the Family Jewells! I managed to get the upper hand on this little hairy goblin. The fierceness of my attack was over-whelming. He finally decided to run away, and he was really quick for a guy with osteo-perosis.(Not that I make a habbit of chasing guys with osteo-perosis) I could hardly keep up, and then, I couldn't keep up. So I chased him with my car. I never met a guy with or without Osteo-perosis, that could outrun my car. It was not long before metal met flesh,and I burried the rude claim-jumper in a shallow grave not far from where I smashed him with my Pinto. And then it was back to the cave that I discovered...My Cave, where I proudly dispayed the American flag, and began to sing the national anthem. And somehow I knew that as soon as I finnished singing,somewhere in the good ol USA a bunch of guys with aluminum bats, just like mine, will commence to trying to knock a ball over a wooden fence. And many people will cheer...But not me! Because I could have used their help with that Osteo-perosis dude, and they were off somewhere else playing games.