Self sufficiency

Self sufficiency

A Poem by Ana B.

You promised me the rainbow.

But I got only the blues…

As I’m in love with the indigo,

Still, got to find all of the remaining hues…

Plucking the petals of joy

As I jump through the moonglow -

The magic’s favorite toy.

And oh, the stars …they say hello!

Under their blanket I dance

Waltzing around the dreams,

Saturated with romance,

And yet, I miss the evergreens

Of the blooming, sunny days,

That tickles a quiet heart…

…that was simmering in solitary greys.

Life, with so many lessons to impart,

And the line to cross so thin…

 So many cautions remain unheeded,

 Because - all of the colors already shine from within,

Hence, no promises needed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2022 Ana B.


Author's Note

Ana B.

My Review

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Reviews

we finally get to a point where we do not need the permission of others to live on our own terms, with our own colors.
j.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Ana B.

2 Years Ago

Yes, that is true. We did pay the price, but the outcome it is liberating and empowering. Thank you .. read more
The vagaries of love and the fallout from that can deeply wound. It always makes a good subject for a poem, I guess. Your words come across as genuine and do not wallow in self-pity. Also, you end on an optimistic note, which I like. A well-penned poem!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Ana B.

2 Years Ago

Thank you very much Robert :) Indeed, it's a topic that won't run out of source material....Have a l.. read more
Robert Haigh

2 Years Ago

You have a lovely weekend too!
Love can hurt Ana and when it does, the blues can certainly settle in. Our outlook will change and while we are nursing our pain, those lovely bright colours in the bouquet of life will remain subdued. We just have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and face the days ahead. I enjoyed your poem, it will be relatable to many. I read the lengthy review from JayG by the way. Didn't find much of value there, in fact found the tone quite obnoxious.

Chris

Posted 2 Years Ago


Ana B.

2 Years Ago

I heard someone once said: ''If it something exists, than it has the right to exist.'' That fell in.. read more
Gee

2 Years Ago

My pleasure, God help me if he reads some of the piffle I post :)))
Ana B.

2 Years Ago

Well, the aim is at me so I hope you're safe :))))
You're focusing on rhyming at the expense of all else. But rhyming isn't the purpose, it's only an accent, like the tink of a cymbal at line's end.

As such, the line should never be bent to the needs of the rhyme. In fact, the rhyming word should be the perfect one for the thought, and the rhyme seem almost accidental.

• You promised me the rainbow. But I got only the blues…

This pair seems to imply that the poem is about dissappointment, most likely in a relationship. But, the unknown "you" of the first line is never mentioned again. So it's irrelevant. Remember, unlike you, the reader has no context for your purpose in writing the poem, only how it resonates with them.

• As I’m in love with the indigo, Still, got to find all of the remaining hues…

What in the pluperfect hells does this have to do with someone unknown promising someone we know nothing about to give them a rainbow? And think about it. Does the reader care that someone they know nothing bout likes indigo?

You're also not using stanzas, but should. They're like paragraphing, and help give the poem structure.

You might want to take a look at the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's the best intro to poetry basics that I've found. And I think you'll be surprised at some of the things he has to say, and wonder why you never noticed.

The Shmoop site is also a good resource. They have lots of successful poems analyzed in great detail, to show how and why they worked so well. When you get there, select Student. Then, use the button to the left of the midpage search window to select Poetry.

Sorry my news isn't better. But still, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Posted 2 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ana B.

2 Years Ago

Seems we're going around and around.
I replied to you right away but thanking for your time .. read more
JayG

2 Years Ago

Golly, was it something I said? Here you are, attacking me for suggesting you learn a bit more about.. read more
Ana B.

2 Years Ago

I don't know how many times to tell that I'm not interested in your suggestions. It seems you are be.. read more

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4 Reviews
Added on May 3, 2022
Last Updated on May 3, 2022